I WANT TO RESTORE HUMOR AND FUN IN AMERICA! THAT IS MY GOAL!
I would like to hold a "HEY LIGHTEN UP AMERICA" rally, because for the past nine years there has been under siege by a mentality that we have to take everything serious, live in fear and suspicion of others and hate anything fun and entertaining. I blame this on the talk radio crowd and Faux News. We need to restore a sense of fun and humor badly. When people get up and arms on You Tube over that old Peter Pan Peanut Butter commercial with Laugh-In's Alan Sues in it, you know that this country has a bad crisis in the humor and fun department.
I would be the host and MC of the event. For a co-host, I need a wild, hot babe like Paris Hilton, Katy Perry, Britney Spears, Milly Cyrus or Lindsay Lohan. A special guest will be Steven "Hit the Slide and Ride" Slater. The perfect location for this would be Branson, MO on 76 Country Boulevard. We also need a cross section of music both alternative and hip hop. NO COUNTRY MUSIC WILL BE ALLOWED. BOOZE AND OTHER SUBSTANCES WILL BE PROVIDED. CLOTHING WILL BE OPTIONAL.
Security will be provided by the "New" Black Panthers.
Everyone will receive a free pink toothbrush to ward off evil spirits (and out of work Canadian talk radio show host).
I'm sure this will draw ten times the crowd that Glenn Beck's stupid rally did. And when I he sees I drew a bigger crowd than him and Silly Sarah of Moosealoony, they will both cry "Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo."
Of course, an opinion, like this one, is what makes me the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!