Everybody knows that I find most of the Letters to The Editor in the Springfield News Leader to be the same old garbage day after day. The fact that the News Leader considers right-wing propaganda written by local hillbillies worthy of print bothers me. Not a day goes by without a media bashing letter. Within the last week we saw a return of the "Springfield-needs-to-stand-up-against-sex-in-entertainment" letters that have been a staple of the News Leader since the early 60's crusades against ballet on Ed Sullivan Show, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and the Normal Heart. Trust me, if any would be O.K. Armstrongs or Jean Dixons spring up, I'll be the first to make fun of them.
With that said, let us look at what will go down as the goofiest Letter to the Editor of the year. It was from Tad Pemberly of Springfield and tackled a serious subject. Apparently, a few days back Garfield said he loved tuna. Tad was upset.
"I find this one word to be the ultimate betrayal to all Garfield fans everywhere. Everyone knows that Garfield loves lasagna, not tuna. The statement that Garfield loves tuna is a slap to the face of all newspaper readers who have enjoyed the rotund tabby cat's 31 years of comic strip hilarity. Furthermore, this strip demonstrates Davis' lack of audience awareness."
Tad goes on to say, " To summarize, Jim Davis needs to put down the pen. This latest strip in a long line of offenses toward his audience is simply too much to bear for one reader. In addition, the comic strip editors of the Springfield News-Leader need to take better care in their reading to ensure the strips printed in their comics section do not offend."
In most areas of the country, this would be seen as a stupid letter. Bad part is this is the Ozarks. There will be about thirty letters that agree with this guy. The News Leader has published many letters from comic strip haters over the years. Dick Tracy and Spiderman were removed from the News Leader and Daily News in the late 70's because of complaints from tight-assed Ozarks parents. Throughout the 80's, the News Leader ran letters from people who hated Doonesbury and the Far Side. Also in the late 80s and 90s there was a crusade from a psycho-idiot (who claimed to live in a dumpster behind the Gene Taylor Main Post Office) to have the funnies removed from the News Leader because "life-is-too-depressing-to-be-enjoying-humor." Boo-hoo, cry me a river.
Reading this letter from Tad Pemberly reminded me the time Steve Allen read a Letter to the Editor of the New York Daily News criticizing artist Zach Mosley's Smiling Jack comic strip for "a lack of realism in dealing with aviation and sex." Allen would usually assign the name of a famous person to the letters he read to make a joke (similar to the e-mails on the Jim Rome Show). Allen said the letter was written by Milton Caniff, the artist behind the rival comic strip "Steve Canyon." Maybe Tad Pemberly is the guy who draws "Heathcliff."
I'm sure within a few days some idiot will write a letter to the editor entitled "Obama Brainwashed Garfield Into Say He Loves Tuna Instead of Lasagna." If I ran the News Leader I would run nationally syndicated liberal columnist instead of letters from crazy Ozarkers. Of course opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!