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Monday, March 17, 2008

I Hate March Madness!

Yes, I will attract a whole new group of haters and enemies, but I need to say this: I HATE MARCH MADNESS!

Working as I have for the past few years in sports talk radio (I'm being held against my will - a prison sentence for being my "super-villainy"), I absolutely hate this month.
  1. CBS cuts a game off when one team pulls ahead and goes to coverage of another game. Most radio listeners never think that this is the work of CBS. It is the work of those people at the radio station. They quickly call the radio station and begin cussing me or one of my co-workers out when I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. Many times CBS Sports' coverage is so confusing that WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT GAME WE HAVE ON THE AIR! Before the games were automated, I stepped out of the studio for a minute and they switched games. I was swapped with angry calls. I couldn't tell the difference. It sounded like the same game to me. CBS, I have found out from the folks at KOLR, does the same thing with their TV coverage.
  2. While I'm on the subject of angry calls, let's talk about the stupid men in this country who force their wives to call the radio/TV stations to complain because they aren't hearing/seeing the game they wanted (Cardinal fans are bad to do this too). These poor women are forced to call (Can we say spousal abuse?) the station while their hot-headed hubby stands next to them or sits in his Lazy Boy barking out commands and foul-language directed at us hard-working media professionals. If the woman doesn't get the right answer, the jerk takes the phone away from the wife (You can usually hear her arm break over the phone) and begins cussing away. IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL YOURSELF, DON'T FORCE YOUR WIFE TO DO IT!
  3. Unlike the TV network who can pre-empt all the CBS shows for these games, we on the local end have local sponsors contracts to uphold. We have to run shows like Sports Talk, You Auto Know and the Fishing Radio Show, not some basketball game from an out-of-state college. I don't like them pre-empting David Letterman for a bunch of crappy basketball games, but I don't call CBS and whine like a teenage girl with PMS.
  4. If you didn't go to that college, then why the Hell are you all concerned about how their basketball team does. MSU isn't playing so why should I bother with these teams. Most of them I'm not familiar with. George Mason: I think used to do mornings on US 97 in the mid-80s, Gonzaga: Isn't that the fire breathing lizard that always stomps on Tokyo and, of course, Villanova: That's my sister's name. Which leads me to something I've noticed about March Madness...
  5. It is a nerd fest. March Madness mainly appeals to NERDS. They get a sexual thrill off of making out brackets and everything. When they don't get to hear the game on the radio they get upset and call the station? "Why are you running Sports Talk instead of the Piminto University/ Dickwad Tech game?" That is when I say, "You're a nerd, aren't you? We are not running it because nobody else is interested and also that new Batman movie with Heath Ledger will not be half as good as the TV show with Adam West. How do ya like them apples, Nerd Boy?" Seriously, you can hear this guy wearing a pocket protector and taped glasses over the phone.
  6. And tho it has been said many times, many ways Billy Packer and Digger Phelps are douche bags.

If I think of any more reasons to hate March Madness, I'll come up with them.

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