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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Why Does Radio Hate Halloween?

For some reason, you can not talk radio PD's into playing Halloween music on Halloween. You might hear "Monster Mash" played once on Halloween day. The announcer usually acts like he was just forced to were a clothespin on his penis. There was a lot of great fun music that can be played on Halloween, but radio stations refuse saying, "Our listeners wouldn't like that. They would be upset." SCREW YOUR MINI-VAN DRIVING UPPER-INCOME, WHITE REPUBLICAN LISTENERS AND HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIVES.

The same PD's who say that are the same ones who delight in bombarding us with every version of that depressing "I'll Be Home For Christmas" from Thanksgiving until New Years.

Another Christmas song I dislike is "No Place Like Home For The Holidays" in which a bunch of people tell the singer about their boring plans for the holiday. One stupid idiot says he is going out of state for a piece of pumpkin pie. Couldn't he find pumpkin pie at a local bakery? Maybe this pumpkin pie has got crack in it?

Now, radio stations have a new bad Christmas song to force on us. The horrible "Christmas Shoes." A child ask a stranger to buy a new pair of shoes for his dying mother. The kid says she needs new shoes because "she is meeting Jesus tonight." Like Jesus is going to say "Hey, Nice shoes!" If a kid gave me that cock-bull story I would say, "I'll buy you the shoes if a can see a death certificate and a corpse first." I have to have proof someone is dying before show sympathy.

Now, I DO love "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" because like Rudolph, I was mistreated and ostracized by other children when I was younger. I'll get my revenge though. Mwu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

It looks like someone would play "Dinner With Drac" by Zacherle, "Batman, Wolfman, Frankenstein and Dracula" by the Diamonds, "It's A Monster Holiday" by Buck Owens, "Bark At the Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Don't Fear the Reaper" by BOC (Although, I'm awfully partial to "Astronomy" too) or "Creature With an Atom Brain" by Roky Erikson.

Alas, the radio industry continues to make stupid decisions that only serve a handful of local advertisers (banks, mega-churches, insurance companies) serviced by un-hip, white guys over 50 rather than YOU THE LISTENER. Why play Halloween oriented music when we can have our morning show host cause trouble at a city council meeting?

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