I'M A VILLAIN BUT SHE IS A HERO???

There was an incredibly stupid letter in the Springfield News Leader a few days ago by a woman who bragged about deleting her kids MySpace and Facebook accounts. There were people in the comments section saying "Good for you," "Way to go," and "I applaud you stance."

This is what is wrong with Springfield and the Ozarks. A woman who deletes her kids MySpace and Facebook friends is considered a hero, but anonymous blogger who pokes fun at talk radio scumbags, weenie-bloggers, tea-baggers, right-wingers and cranky adults is considered "a bad guy." This is another example of what I call Ozarks Correctness.

Personally, I think what this woman did is CHILD ABUSE, just like not allowing you kids to watch cartoons or listen to rock music. They should put people like this in prison. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Are These The Ugly Ozarks Twins You Are Looking For?

The Feedjit has seem several hits to this website from Great Brittan for "ugly Ozarks twins" or "ugly twins of the Ozarks." I hope this is what you British folks are looking for. These guys were last seen putting up this billboard in West Plains.

But Virginia Is For Lovers & We Are The QUEEN CITY

MSNBC has a story about how the governor of South Carolina and others are upset about these ads which appeared around the time of the Gay Pride festivities in the U.K. and elsewhere. A state tourism employee resigned over this. I doubt any gay people wanted to visit Civil War battlefields in South Carolina. There is also the language barrier because this turned off many junior high kids who read "South Carolina Is So Gay" and thought "South Carolina is boring stuff my parents would like."

Personally, I think Amro Worldwide should partner with Springfield Convention and Visitors Bureau. The posters can read "THEY DON'T CALL US THE QUEEN CITY FOR NOTHING!"

I Had Fun

My weird schedule has only allowed me to attend the Springfield blogger events. I made it a point to attend the send off for Tony Messenger of the News Leader. I had fun in the short time I was there (I had to be at work, as usual). It is always fun to talk with the people in the industry who cover the news and deal with the craziness of the business.

Tony was forthcoming about the behind the page world of the News Leader. It is always interesting to learn you don't work at the only crazy place in the business.

I found out that Tony still has the Pez Dispenser I sent him. I also found out I was apparently not the target of the editorials on anonymous blogging. After all, he was glad to meet me. I was a decent person and shook hands with (unlike some of the riff-raff in our community).

I realize not everyone in the area likes Tony (I think we can think of one person), but I believe the editorial page has been better under his direction. Before Tony it was only the Ozarkers who were against anyone having any kind of fun (sex in particular).

Also for those who complain about the News Leader, go to the Library Center and look at the old Springfield Daily News and the old News Leaders from the 1950s. The Daily News front page was mainly wire stories of the most lurid nature. I found one which featured a story about a 19 year old boy who dug up the body of a nine year old girl who had died of cancer for sexual purposes. What did this have to do with folks in Springfield? The News Leaders seemed to be filled with opinon pieces "longing for the good old days when Ma made my sister panties out of Pa's chew tobacky pouches."

I realize Tony stepped on some toes. Some will take credit for him leaving. Really sad that some would have such blind hatred and lack of respect for someone more talented than them, but that is what we in the business have to put up with. Good luck, Tony. Don't eat too much of that Pez.

*Note: No tennis balls were thrown at Tony or anyone else during this blogger get-together.

Why I don't like Mike Huckabee?

I’m going to say this. I realize many in the Ozarks will hate me. I DON’T LIKE MIKE HUCKABEE. It’s true I’m a Democrat, but my problem with Huckabee would stand in my way of voting for him if he was a Democrat. He is one of THOSE guys.

He is one of those guys that has followed me around all my life. He has been teachers, preachers, coaches and bosses, however, his real profession is "a nagger." He is the kind of guy that has nagged me all my life.

He would tell me that my grades were not good enough to participate in school activities. He would tell me I didn’t turn in my homework in time. He would tell me I couldn’t run fast enough. He would tell me the reason why girls didn’t like me (It was always "You pick girls that are too good looking for you" and "I not athletic enough"). He would tell me my shoe was untied. He would tell me my hair was out of place. He would tell me I read too many comic books. He would tell me I watched too many horror movies and Saturday morning cartoons. He would tell me I listened to satanic drug-addict music. He would tell you he also didn’t like Bob Dylan either.

He would tell you he doesn’t find David Letterman, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy or Steve Martin funny, but if someone punched me or tripped me, he would laugh at me. If I said something funny, he would chastise me with a "Do-you-think-that-is-funny-young man?"

He lectures me on the dangers of sex, drugs, alcohol and pop culture. He prides himself on being un-hip. He believes he is better than me, but then he slips up and does something wrong. Unfortunately, nobody allows me to point out that he did wrong because he is still well loved. He is a "good ole boy."

No, I don’t want Mike Huckabee to be president. Of course, Ozarker already love him.

Happy Holidays or Sit and Spin!

If you say "Happy Holidays" to someone and they give you some big lecture on the "culture war" or "war on Christmas," do what I plan to do.

GIVE THEM THE FINGER AND SAY "I WAS ONLY BEING NICE! I DON'T REALLY WANT YOU TO HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY! SIT AND SPIN!"

Why Does Radio Hate Halloween?

For some reason, you can not talk radio PD's into playing Halloween music on Halloween. You might hear "Monster Mash" played once on Halloween day. The announcer usually acts like he was just forced to were a clothespin on his penis. There was a lot of great fun music that can be played on Halloween, but radio stations refuse saying, "Our listeners wouldn't like that. They would be upset." SCREW YOUR MINI-VAN DRIVING UPPER-INCOME, WHITE REPUBLICAN LISTENERS AND HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIVES.

The same PD's who say that are the same ones who delight in bombarding us with every version of that depressing "I'll Be Home For Christmas" from Thanksgiving until New Years.

Another Christmas song I dislike is "No Place Like Home For The Holidays" in which a bunch of people tell the singer about their boring plans for the holiday. One stupid idiot says he is going out of state for a piece of pumpkin pie. Couldn't he find pumpkin pie at a local bakery? Maybe this pumpkin pie has got crack in it?

Now, radio stations have a new bad Christmas song to force on us. The horrible "Christmas Shoes." A child ask a stranger to buy a new pair of shoes for his dying mother. The kid says she needs new shoes because "she is meeting Jesus tonight." Like Jesus is going to say "Hey, Nice shoes!" If a kid gave me that cock-bull story I would say, "I'll buy you the shoes if a can see a death certificate and a corpse first." I have to have proof someone is dying before show sympathy.

Now, I DO love "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" because like Rudolph, I was mistreated and ostracized by other children when I was younger. I'll get my revenge though. Mwu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

It looks like someone would play "Dinner With Drac" by Zacherle, "Batman, Wolfman, Frankenstein and Dracula" by the Diamonds, "It's A Monster Holiday" by Buck Owens, "Bark At the Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Don't Fear the Reaper" by BOC (Although, I'm awfully partial to "Astronomy" too) or "Creature With an Atom Brain" by Roky Erikson.

Alas, the radio industry continues to make stupid decisions that only serve a handful of local advertisers (banks, mega-churches, insurance companies) serviced by un-hip, white guys over 50 rather than YOU THE LISTENER. Why play Halloween oriented music when we can have our morning show host cause trouble at a city council meeting?

Let's Give Paris Something to Cry About

If you read this blog often you know I haven’t taken the Paris Hilton thing very serious. I think that in the long run this is a non-issue. I think there are some Internet sights making this and the cable news networks making this into a big deal. Brad Belote on the KY3 blog has written a great piece on the media’s obsession with this.

Here is my take. Yes, Paris committed a crime. Yes, she should be punished. With that said let’s look at why this is getting so much play on the cable news and Internet.

• Paris Hilton is female. There is whole anti-female sentiment expressed on one of the two major cable networks. That network has been touting the idea (much like their "war on Christmas") that there is a "war on men." They obviously believe Paris Hilton needs to be punished for being a girl. She (and her pals, Lyndsay Lohan and Britney Spears) need to be punished for being, as they used to say, "fast girls." Then again these same people hated Princess Di and today hate Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Wi and Danica Patrick. The only women they like are Anne Coulter and Condelizza Rice. These individuals don’t want women in sports, politics or business. Just keep them at home in the kitchen.



• She is under 30. There is an anti-youth movement afoot with the same cable network and the talk radio boys. Anything young people like (YouTube, MySpace, Ipods etc.) is evil. This isn’t new even in the mainstream "old" media. The message in the "new" media is, "The only good young people are serving in Iraq. If you are not in Iraq, you should be in jail." Drudge and Rush have both made negative remarks about young people.



• She is connected to Hollywood and been on MTV. Notice how much of the coverage has mentioned that Hilton was on the MTV Movie Awards. There seems to be an attitude with the ‘new’ media that everyone in Hollywood and half of the state of California should be punished for something, usually being ‘liberal.’



• She is wasting the Hilton fortune. There are a group ‘new’ media fans who have a big business and money fetish. They admire Conrad Hilton for being a ‘self-made man’ and feel Paris is ruining the family name. These same people also took up for Ken Lay and the Enron boys.



• Midwestern-Good Americans are enjoying this. This is also the mentality that caused us to see way too much info about Anna Nicole Smith’s death. We want to see these famous people punished or hurt or dead. It makes us feel superior. Yeah, if you are a psycho.

Frankly, as Brad Belote said there are more important issues. If we looked at those issues we would probably see that they need to be fixed.

Let's Bring Back the Studio

I remember in my younger days seeing ads in the Springfield News Leader and Daily News for the Studio. Only recently did I find out what this place was called and where it was (3838 S. Campbell - there is a Panera Bread there now), but I remember the ads fascinated me as a child. The reason: all those X's. I specifically remember a film called Pussy In Boots having four Xs.

That is why I feel it is my duty to remind Springfield and educate the younger people of the existence of such a place. I hope to in coming (NO PUN INTENDED - STOP THAT SNICKERING!) weeks to upload some ads from the old News Leaders and Daily News. I'm also launching a campaign to bring back the Studio. I just feel there should be a family friendly porno theater in this town again.