WOMEN: STOP MARRYING JERKS!!!

ARTIST RENDERING OF THE AVERAGE DOUCHE BAG

I stopped update this blog on a regular basis to concentrate on the retro blog, because my opinions were causing problems with my work. I've supposedly been blacklisted by one company in Springfield and maybe a few others around the area that I don't know about. However, I feel this is a topic that needs attention. The problem is women dating, marrying and reproducing with jerks, douche bags and knuckle dragging A-holes (pictured above).

What made me want to write this post? I was eating dinner at Qdoba a few nights ago, when one of these guys came in. Like the illustration above, he had a buzz cut and was wearing Razor sunglasses. He also had three kids with him but no wife. This guy yelled at these kids and treated them like they were prisoners in a work yard. The bad part is these kids were not doing anything wrong. He was yelling stuff like, "Don't look at people!," "Don't walk so fast!," "Don't walk so slow!," and "Don't breath to loud!"

Later, when his four year old son began crying, he smacked the kid upside the head and screamed at him "MEN DON'T CRY." The only break his kids got from his relentless bullying was when he would walk out to his gigantic, blue, G-M-C pickup truck with tractor-size tires and talk on his phone. I'm sure if I saw his truck's bumper, it is probably covered in tea party and anti-Obama bumper stickers. He would come back in and tell his kids, "I am watching you through the window and if I see any misbehaving I will spank you. DO YOU HEAR ME?"

To make things more infuriating, some old white woman told him that she "wanted to compliment him on the fine job he was doing keep your children disciplined." AAARRRGGGGH!!! DON'T ENCOURAGE THIS JERK, LADY!!!

This post is a message to women everywhere, but especially to women here in the Ozarks: STOP MARRYING AND REPRODUCING WITH GUYS LIKE THIS!!! What do women see in guys like this?  I'm 45 years old and can't get a date to save my life, yet guys like this are married and, usually, have three or four girlfriends on the side. These guys also are not above backhanding their girlfriends or wives like Bjorn Borg would a Wilson #3 tennis ball. Matter of fact, these are the guys you see on the local news that shake babies and throw them against the wall.

Here are some signs to look for that the guy you are interested in is a jerk or douche bag of this nature.

1. He listens to talk radio and waxes nostalgic for Vincent David Jericho and Chuck Booms.
2. When asked about music, he says the Beatles, Nirvana and Bob Dylan are overrated, then admits he has all of Ted Nugent's CDs.
3. Spends much of his free time going on websites and trashing Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. He also likes to slam Brad Pitt on the KY-3 Facebook site.
4. Speaking of Facebook, he frequently shares those stupid Grumpy Cat memes.
5. The characters in teen movies that he identifies with are:

   

   DOUGLAS NEDEMEYER

THE OGRE

Ladies, take my advice, you should never fall in love with a guy like this. There are too many of them out their. You would be better off with a charming, funny guy like me.

Of course, this is the kind of opinion that has made me the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

WKBT's JENNIFER LIVINGSTON IS MY NEW HERO

I have posted anything on this blog in awhile. I prefer the more fun and less controversial post on the retro blog. However, I wanted to comment on this story because it hits home to me. Since I'm involved in the Countdown to Halloween, I decided to post this here since it is also in keeping with many of the themes of this blog.

Not since Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater have I been so proud of someone for standing up for themselves. No doubt you have seen this video of WKBT anchor Jennifer Livingston responding to a hateful e-mail from a viewer.

I'm glad management let her strike back at the idiot that wrote that hateful e-mail. From my experience in the media here in the Ozarks, if one person sends the station or newspaper an asinine complaint about an on-air person, that on-air person loses their job or gets "reassigned."

Some people are leaving snide remarks on You Tube and Facebook attack Livingston for doing this. These people do not realize the stupid crap that we in the media put up with from some people. She referred to this person as a "bully" and that is as accurate a description of many of these people.

Many people complain about silly things like hearing a commercial too often or the radio station is playing too many African-American artist (Sadly, that is a frequent complaint in the Ozarks and they usually don't use the term "African-American" when they make this complaint). I even worked at a country radio station (Don't hold it against me) where a woman complained that we played too many songs "which portrayed spousal abuse in a negative way" and "took the women's side when the husband is usually the victim." We had to stop playing "Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks, "Broken Wings" by Martina McBride and "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks. Only in the Ozarks do we giving into the request of the proud mother of a wife beater.

People also don't realize there are people who do nothing but make complaints to the media. These people must have about six TVs tuned to each station and several radios on at all times, so they can hear or see something to complain about. Everyone in the media in this town knows these people, because they have all had to deal with these stupid people. Now these people are even more obnoxious, because they can friend every TV and radio station, every on-air personality or newscaster and attack them when ever they want. They also now have the advantage of suckering in more stupid right-wing, media bashing nut jobs to help them. This, of course, goes along with my last post.

Much of this comes from one simple factor, these people who make these complaints do not think that people in the media are human beings. They would just as soon see us unemployed or dead. Many of these media complainers do this for attention. I doubt these people would want anyone to criticize them at their job, but they see no problem lashing out at those of us in the media.

If the managers of media outlets would ignore these people or allow the on-air talent to address these critics, as Jennifer Livingston so eloquently did, rather than giving in to them, we have less of this hateful bullying toward talented, dedicated people trying to provide people with the information they need. Let's face it, if Ozarkers had their way, all of the highly intelligent journalist would be replaced with Baptist preachers or auctioneers with big cowboy hats.

Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  

VIDEO: WKBT Anchor Jennifer Livingston’s On-Air Response to Viewer Complaint About Her Weight - TVSpy

NEWS MEDIA SHOULDN'T ALLOW IDIOTS TO COMMENT ON STORIES

You frequently hear people lament that the news media of today is not as good as the news media of the past. Then again, you hear that about everything. When I entered college as a media major, being in the news media was considered one of the ultimate jobs a person could have. After all, the news media was America's window to the world. If I wanted to I could choose the path to belong to that elite group with such people as Walter Cronkite, Chet Hutley and David Brinkley, and Peter Jennings (All pictured above). I've got a surprising eye opener for you. Watch the evening world news on CBS, NBC and ABC, then watch an old evening world news cast on You Tube from the 60s, 70s or 80s. They haven't changed except for the technology and personalities.

On the other hand watch a clip of CNN from the 80s and then watch a little of it now, you WILL see a big change. Personally, cable news has went down in quality. Also, you would be shocked if you saw Internet news pages of the 90s versus today's.

Let me give you my opinion about what made the men above trusted voices. They were larger than life figures in Washington, DC or New York. When they told you what happened, you accepted it as the truth and didn't argue with them. Now thanks to Facebook, Bubba in Bois D'Arc or NellieBelle in Piedmont, Arkansas can make a snide remark about a story KYTV or KOLR ran on the 6 pm news or bad mouth Brian Williams or Scott Pauly.

I feel the comments on local news stories on Facebook has reached some very dangerous and tacky levels. After a recent tragic accident here in the Ozarks, people began leaving comments accident if the man and woman, who died in the accident were having an extra marital affair. WHAT DOES THAT MATTER? WHY WOULD PEOPLE BRING UP THAT AT SUCH A DELICATE TIME?

Another problem is how Internet news like Yahoo and MSN is driven not by importance, but what people have shared, searched or read. Never mind important world news or national news, Yahoo and MSN is going to give you headlines on Anne Hathway's ugly dress or a video of cute kittens on You Tube.

Let me also add that it is either time to do away with Letters to the Editor in newspapers or make stricter rules on what letters get printed. Some local newspapers run letters from the same idiots week after week and day after day. I was recently looking at some back issues of the Springfield News Leader and discovered that many of the crazy right-wing letters in the 80s and 90s were from the same people EVERYDAY. Many of these were stupid too. Case in point: Ron Davis in his Chatter column (which was hated by these idiot NL letter writers) had said that he wished Guns N Roses would perform in Branson. Several brain damaged individuals didn't want Guns N Roses in Branson, because they considered them "vulgar" and "untalented." You know who else they didn't want to come to Branson? ANDY WILLIAMS. Yes, the Letters to the Editor section in the Springfield News Leader was once filled with hateful letters from Ozarkers who didn't want Andy Willaims to bring his "Hollywood values" and "Las Vegas values" to "ruin" the Ozarks. This was after he had told some an interviewer that some of the Branson shows were crappy.

The one thing I have learned from working in the media is that the majority of people think you do a great job but never tell you. The people who constantly criticize the media are insanely jealous of media people because they chose a bad career, like real estate or auctioneering.

Of course, opinions like these are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

I DON'T LIKE GUYS WHO WEAR SUITS

I don't like guys who wear suits. They are usually preppy douche bags, who have a fetish-like obsession with money.

Case in point: two guys who I had to deal with at work today. They were Republicans (naturally) and they were wearing matching suits. I just kept think to myself, "What did these two dimwits do to screw up their lives to make themselves so uncool?" and also "Why is everyone here at work acting like these guys are cooler than me? These guys are dorks who wear suits!!!" The sad part is these geeks make more money than me.

An opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!!

PARENTS IN THE OZARKS ARE ANAL FASCIST

I'm hearing commercials on local radio for a company called Federal Protection. They are a home security firm, which is okay. What I find ludicrous about their ads is the claims that they can text you when "the kids get home from school." They also will "notify you" if someone "opens your liquor cabinet." This is probably used by the same goofy Ozarks parents, who have Net Nanny on their computers and block MTV and the Cartoon Network on the television. Probably these people have the Ozarks spanking fetish.

Trust me on this folks, I could have used a good stiff drink when I got home from school.

Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BLAKE SHELTON SUCKS

I can't believe this guy won CMA Male Vocalist of the Year. I never heard any of this guy's music until Tuesday night when I caught his performance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. The only reason I saw that was because I was preparing to watch a DVD (KSPR and my DVD player are both on channel 4). As you readers know, I've been a hardcore David Letterman watcher since junior high.

This Blake Shelton guy screamed some horrible song called "Kiss My Redneck @$$" or something like that. It was one of those songs that the guys that beat me up in junior high would have liked. This kind of music spawns bullies. Sounded like it was written by that doofus that writes that Patriot's Pen column in the News Leader. I CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE SANE PERSON WOULD LISTEN TO THAT!!! IT IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THAT CHICKEN FRIED SONG!!!

I notice that Shelton is from Ada, Oklahoma and the Oklahoman is promoting his appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. If I was on Kimmel, Conan, or Letterman, The Lebanon Daily Record wouldn't even mention it. Instead they would run a front page story about a housewife who was in Vicki Hartzler's cooking class or a guy who dated Billy Long's sister.

Opinions, like these, are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

NEWSPAPER DEMOTED EDITOR FOR OFFENDING BUSINESS MEN

This sounds like the kind of garbage that goes on here in the Ozarks. The Miami Herald has this disgusting story of Autumn Drussell (pictured above). She was the editor of the Stoughton Courier Hub, until she wrote an editorial about how she was shopping at big box chain stores because they had lower prices. She suggested that local business owners improve customer service and "stop bad mouthing their areas."

That caused a doofus with a hardware store to write a snide and threatening letter to the editor about Drussell. In the letter, he also said he wouldn't advertise with the newspaper again. She was demoted by the management of the newspapers owners, Unified Newspaper Group, which is a division of Woodward Communications Inc.

I have seen this too much in my years with various local media groups. Probably, the salesmen started wetting their panties and crying that the local business owners, who are probably arrogant jerks, will drop advertising. They (sales people) go to management and ask for Drussell to be punished or fired. Management, being both greedy and gutless, demote Drussell for writing an honest opinion piece.

This story sounds like a Sinclair Lewis novel.

Now, if this was the Ozarks, the newspaper would then replace the educated and experienced journalist (Drussell) with either a Republican party operative or an Republican business man, like an auctioneer, who have no experience or education in journalism or media. Or worse, a sales person talks management into letting his redneck brother-in-law write editorials. Sadly, this is the is the mentality of the local media.

This is the kind of opinion that makes me the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

KATY PERRY GET REVENGE ON GUY WHO IGNORED HER IS SCHOOL

This is one of those stories I love. Yahoo Music reports that super hot babe and pop music star Katy Perry was performing a concert at the high school she attended. She saw a jock boy, who wouldn't give her the time of day in high school, in the audience. She pointed him out in front of everyone at the concert and let the jerk have it.

Pointing out into the audience, she identified one specific member of the crowd and asked, "Is that Shane Lopes? You were the most popular kid in my class, but you never wanted to date me, it was always Amanda Wayne." As the crowd laughed and cheered, she adopted a bit of swagger and added, "Oh yeah, you really chose right, honey. What's up now, playa?" Becoming an international, Grammy-nominated pop star evidently does wonderful things for your self-confidence.

TAKE THAT, JOCK BOY!!!

Apparently, this story upset some other little jock boy-douche bags. If you look at the comments, you will see some ugly hatred toward the incredible looking Miss Perry.

Among them is a comment from a brain damaged idiot calling himself "independent." Besides being too stupid to capitalize his name, he shows how un-hip and stupid he is by saying, "What a piece of garbage. still stuck in high school? Tells a lot about her just from this story. She must not be that great since I have never even heard of her until now." Excuse me, "independent," if you would stop listening to crap like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, you would know who Katy Perry is. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE, YOU TALK-RADIO LISTENING SCUMBAG!!!

And then there is a scumbag called "See See," who says: "What a child... Move on... It does not prove anything, only that you are still bitter."

I should have known "See See" would have something hateful, negative and malicious to say, because they used this "weird baby" avatar. Anytime you see that, the post is usually by a person who is hateful, racist, right-wing, douche bag, asshole. I really wish the government would do something about these people, like have them arrested and tortured to death.

Loyal readers know that I frequently like to embarrass Eunice Moneymaker of Lebanon, MO for not going out with me in junior high and high school. Contrary to what a bunch of nitwits posting on Yahoo would say, I have every right to make fun of her now. Like Katy Perry, I'm famous.

VOID IN MISSOURI

The passing of Proposition C proves what I have thought ever since I was a small boy: Missouri is an awful place to live because it is filled with stupid people (pictured above).

Proposition C is just another chapter in the long and idiotic history of Missouri trying to keep any "evil" outside influence from crossing out state line.

I first became aware of this asinine practice of Missouri lawmakers when I was a child. You would see the words VOID IN MISSOURI in fine print. This meant that some stupid adult in Jefferson City was going to keep you from getting a neat prize or having any fun. You would see and ad in a comic book for a cool contest or offer for something you couldn't get at Wal-mart or Mattinglys 5 & 10, but at the bottom of the ad was the dreaded VOID IN MISSOURI.

"Win a Trip to Disney World" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win a Pool Party with Charlie's Angels" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win the Chance to Go On Tour with Kiss!" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win a Visit from Mork from Ork to Your School!" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win Every Marvel Comic Book Ever Published" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win Your Own Private McDonalds" VOID IN MISSOURI!

It wasn't only contest. There were even things for sale that were VOID IN MISSOURI! I remember having to give my sister's address in Oklahoma, just to order a Star Wars t-shirt. Apparently some nitwit in Jefferson City felt threatened by a skinny eight year old in Lebanon wearing a t-shirt with R2D2 and C3PO. A dollar to donuts says that the idiot that came up with the VOID IN MISSOURI law was elected by voters in Greene and Christian County (pictured above).

Much of this garbage comes from a group of privileged individuals who can control what rules are made from the State of Missouri down to the local school board. They make rules that punish people like me. Since they have the money and power, they want all the good stuff to be available to people with money and power. In Missouri, and the Ozarks especially, you only get to do something if your family is Republican or your family is Southern Baptist. They also like to require you to have good grades in elementary or high school (Good grades in college don't count - this called the Rush Limbaugh clause).

So now the idiotic voters in Missouri are going to keep the President's health care plan out of the hands of Missouri residents. It is like I'm eight years old all over again. Not only do I not have enough health insurance, but I also haven't met Mork, Kiss, Charlie's Angels nor do I own every Marvel comic book or a McDonalds. I hope all the stupid conservative hillbillies who voted "yes" on Proposition C get a major disease! (The people who voted "yes" on Proposition C are pictured above)

Of course, opinions, like these, are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I MISS THE CRAIG HALL CROWD & I STILL HATE THE PREPPIES

Permit me to wax nostalgic for a bit, but this post has been coming for awhile and it is something I have to get out of my system. I've been thinking about my college years, when I was obtaining my Bachelor of Science in Media. I was just out of high school, away from home and I didn't have a job, so I was able to enjoy myself and have fun.

I found it was easier to make friends with people at SMSU (now known as MSU) than it was in the Lebanon R-3. For one thing, the need to conform to what everyone else was doing disappears in college. Also, I seem to have more in common with the city kids. We tended to like the same music, movies and other activities. We were the "Craig Hall Crowd," because that was where the communications, media and drama classes were held.

The people I tend to hang with in college tended to wear tie dye shirts with peace signs on them or shirts that said "EAT THE RICH" on them. Some even had pink t-shirts with a photo of Howard McNear, the barber from the Andy Griffith Show on the front and the words "PINK FLOYD" on the back. Get it! Yeah, it was funnier in 1987. We tended to drive older model small cars with bumper stickers reading "He who dies with the most toys, STILL DIES" or "Wouldn't be nice if the schools had plenty of money and the Pentagon had to have a bake sale?"

Our dorm room walls were covered in posters of Jim Morrison, Ozzy Osbourne and James Dean, as well as numerous assorted scantly clad women. The only names I can think of for these women were Marilyn (The Seven Year Itch subway grate pose), Farah (These were usually kind of ragged because they had been around for several years), Brooke and Elvira (Yes, THAT Elvira - usually these were Budweiser promotional posters, so you wonder if these guys were more attracted to beer than the big breasted Goth chick). Oh, I cannot forget the Tennis Girl poster (above).

I should point out that there was a boom in psychedelic music and fashion. Part of this may have been because Rolling Stone was celebrating its 20th anniversary and running a lot of retrospective article on the Summer of Love and the 60s. However, as I look back, we may have been rebelling against the "Just Say No" crap that had been forced down our throats in junior high and high school.

There were some people that we didn't like. These people were what we called Preppies. These people were like the villains in a lot the comedy films of the time. While we were wanting to Bluto from Animal House, these people wanted to be Greg Marmalard and Douglas C. Neidemeyer from Animal House. These people took things way too seriously. They were like the people we didn't like in junior high and high school. They were all involved in Young Republicans and came to class wearing ties. They were always business majors of some sort, only interested in money and kissing butt. They were overachievers, who felt Bart Simpson was a bad role model for children. Bad part I see many young college kids now who are exactly like the Preppie kids. Kind of sad when you think about it.

Someone at the Standard gave one of these boneheads a column. I can remember his last name was Seitz, because I thought he was full of baloney. He spread hate toward anyone who didn't think like him and his tie wearing Preppie friends. He probably is either a talk radio host or a weenie blogger. They went to little meetings on Monday night where they listened to speeches by Mel Hancock and Jean Dixon. Needless to say these people were not out having fun like the rest of us.


I guess what has brought this on is the fact I keep running into or seeing the Preppies around Springfield, but the people I liked are nowhere to be seen. Maybe they went back to St. Louis, Kansas City and Chicago. At least one person, went to Hollywood. I see her on TV from time to time. I guess the Preppies were from here in Springfield. I hope my friends are still they way they were when we were in school. After all the Preppies are all still the obnoxious little twerps they were when we were in school.

Of course, opinions like this are why I'm the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

MORE GATEKEEPING NEEDED BY THE LOCAL MEDIA

I have come to the conclusion that concern for integrity is lacking in the local media. Part of this comes from the incident this last week involving the News Leader’s editorial page, the other from my own job experience.

I believe part of the problem is the obsession with amateur talent or outside participation. First of all, let’s clear the air on why this has suddenly become popular. It is not to give the common man a voice as much as it is to save money. Amateur talent in the newspaper editorial section or on
talk radio is cheaper than hiring a j-school grad or person with a media degree. Think for a minute how many byline reporters and columnist are no longer with the News Leader. Now the News Leader gives us garbage like the “Patriot’s Pen.”

I have trouble with this guy in the News Leader being called “a patriot.” I feel “patriot” is a title you have to earn after death. A true patriot would never consider him/herself a patriot. A person who dubs himself a patriot is usually a major douche bag.

The overall racist tone of the column was bad enough but the fact the News Leader defended this guy and his use of the term “colored” shows a lack of integrity by management. This is not the News Leader pandering to their redneck critics in the community rather than adhere to journalistic standards.

This leads me to a similar problem I faced in my job this week. A caller on one of the radio programs I produce began advocating violence toward Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig. I cut the caller off. It turns out the caller was a friend of the host. It was a rigged call to make it look like people actually agreed with the opinion expressed by the host. I’ve told my
supervisor I didn’t want to be associated with this kind of stuff as a shows producer. I feel very strongly about what my name is attached to. I may find there are repercussions to this decision, but contrary to what one former talk radio show host and his sycophantic fans would have you believe, I have morals and standards.

I feel we need to work on our integrity when it comes to the amateur commentators. There needs to be more gatekeeping by the local media, if we are going to allow people without any formal media training to "take over" our air waves and editorial pages. They should have to adhere to the same rules as the real media people or we will end up looking like the hillbillies people in the major markets think we are.

Of course, opinions like these are why I’m considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BTW: If you haven’t read Rhetorica's Andy Cline’s comments on the News Leader “colored” scandal, I’ve included links to those articles.

1. Failure to Edit
2. Ham-Handed Headline
3. Gannett Blog Reacts to "Colored"
4. On Flux
5. Moving On

THE GOOD THING ABOUT FACEBOOK REMOVING OSAMA bin LADEN

ABC News reports that there was an Osama bin Laden fan page on Facebook. Facebook took it off. This is good, because every self-righteous dork I went to high school with would have wanted me to join a "Tell Facebook to remove the Osama bin Laden Fan Page" or "1,000,000 People Against Osama bin Laden Being on Facebook."

Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE YOUNGER GENERATION OF MEN WORRY ME

I never thought I would say this, I’m worried about our country’s future when I see some of the local young people.

I frequent a popular chain restaurant, which is a favorite of people in their late teens and early twenties. The young women don’t bother me very much. Matter of fact most of them seem like fun. It is the young men. They are goobers.

First off, why are they going out in Carhartt overalls? Those are what you wear when you are working, not when you are out cruising for babes. They also have beards like Mennonites or Amish men. What is up with that? They also all have John Deere caps. Do these people want to be farmers?

These guys don’t seem to be paying attention to the ladies around them. They are watching whatever Fox Sports or ESPN on the ten or so large screen TVs, or they playing Golden Tee. I’m afraid these guys are the same kind of idiots who would prefer Sarah Palin over Paris Hilton.

These boys have no taste in music. They seem to love to play a horrible song called “Chicken Fried” on the Touch Tones juke box. This has to be the worst song ever written. If they aren’t playing that song, it is Darrell Worrley, Toby Keith, Blake Shelton or Tim McGraw. I get so disgusted hearing this garbage, that I have to pump several dollars into the juke box so I can hear some music I like. Why can’t these guys like Van Halen, Sex Pistols, Nirvana and Ozzy like I did when I was their age?

These stupid young guys also are fans of talk radio. As you all know I hate talk radio with a passion. I even hate that more than country music. These guys are like most of the sleeze bag, talk radio host they label anything they don’t like as “socialism.” Everything from Obama’s health care reform and gun control to Espresso and Twilight gets called “socialism” by these intellectually challenged doofuses.

I'm not sure what caused these kids to be this way. The only thing I can think of is the crazy parents who home schooled their kids in the 90's. I'm sure some Ozarkers want young people to be this way. I DON'T! I WANT THEM TO BE LIKE ME! All I know is I fear these guys will be running things in a few years. Hopefully, I can take over the world before then. Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

THE OZARKS HAS A SPANKING FETISH

This post has been coming for a long time, but some things I noticed this week have brought this subject to my attention again. The Ozarks has a sick and twisted love of spanking.

Last summer, I was in a fast food place eating here in Springfield. At the table next to mine was about three couples, who were around my age. These were the people who were big into screaming "rules" at their kids like a Marine Corp D.I. "Don't run! Don't touch! Don't make noise! Don't breath!"

These people were talking rather loud, so everyone in the place could hear them, on how they "enjoyed" being spanked by their parents. These people were loudly letting the people in this fast food joint (and probably most of Springfield) that they against "time outs." This woman began breathing heavy while telling about how she enjoyed it. This one guy said "he liked the smell of his father's belt." He then became very giddy as he began telling about how many "lashes" he would get and his eyes began rolling back in his head. I left because I was afraid he was going to ejaculate on me and all the other people in the place.

• I'm seeing more and more of this kinky stupidity going on with in this community. Several people I know on Facebook joined a group called "My Parents Didn't Give Me Time Out."


• I stumbled upon a blog called "Chicks on the Right" by two women "who don't believe in time-outs." I think that is a veiled code for "we are professional dominatrixes."


• The MSU post-game show disintegrated into a Chuck Booms rant against parents that give their kid time outs. Chuck screamed into the microphone that he enjoyed being spanked. He thinks more parents need to spank their kids because he was spanked as a child. Why would anyone take parenting advice from this guy? He wears green shoelaces and talks about how much he likes Liza Minnelli.


• A few years ago, when Ron Davis was the host of Morning-line on KWTO was when the Domminc James death occured. Many of the idiots who called in to argue with Ron said the "gubermunt ain't got no rite to tayl me I kain't spank my kids." Ron didn't say that spanking should be banned. On the other hand, I DO THINK SPANKING YOUR KIDS SHOULD BE A CRIMINAL OFFENCE!

Let me explain why? My parents didn't spank me because a I was a pretty good kid. If my father or mother raised their voice at me, I broke down in tears. However, I went to a Republican/Sourthern Baptist run gulauge called Mark Twain Elementary in Lebanon, MO. The principal was Betty Chisim Moore, who walked the halls with an inch thick paddle. She also had an inch thick growth of hair on her legs. She looked like a refridgerator with legs and a face like those old women in the Far Side cartoons. The school had a lot of silly type rules like that could accidentally be broken by nice little kids like me. This was so she could have the pleasure of giving at least 50 spankings a day.

I'm sure though Betty Chisim Moore is in Hell giving topless lap dances to guys like Attila the Hun, Cauigula, Hitler and Richard Nixon. If you knew what Mrs. Moore looked like, this image would be enough to make you become a perfect Christian and avoid Hell at all cost.

This woman spanked me once. SHE WAS IN THE WRONG TO PUNISH DESDINOVA! I WAS SMARTER THAN HER AND ALL THE ADULTS IN LEBANON.

But I think this sick and twisted fetish these Ozarkers have with spanking needs to stop folks. Your kids will turn up warped like Chuck Booms instead of cool like me. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

NEWS LEADER RUNS LETTER FROM OZARKER UPSET BY GARFIELD

Everybody knows that I find most of the Letters to The Editor in the Springfield News Leader to be the same old garbage day after day. The fact that the News Leader considers right-wing propaganda written by local hillbillies worthy of print bothers me. Not a day goes by without a media bashing letter. Within the last week we saw a return of the "Springfield-needs-to-stand-up-against-sex-in-entertainment" letters that have been a staple of the News Leader since the early 60's crusades against ballet on Ed Sullivan Show, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and the Normal Heart. Trust me, if any would be O.K. Armstrongs or Jean Dixons spring up, I'll be the first to make fun of them.

With that said, let us look at what will go down as the goofiest Letter to the Editor of the year. It was from Tad Pemberly of Springfield and tackled a serious subject. Apparently, a few days back Garfield said he loved tuna. Tad was upset.

"I find this one word to be the ultimate betrayal to all Garfield fans everywhere. Everyone knows that Garfield loves lasagna, not tuna. The statement that Garfield loves tuna is a slap to the face of all newspaper readers who have enjoyed the rotund tabby cat's 31 years of comic strip hilarity. Furthermore, this strip demonstrates Davis' lack of audience awareness."

Tad goes on to say, " To summarize, Jim Davis needs to put down the pen. This latest strip in a long line of offenses toward his audience is simply too much to bear for one reader. In addition, the comic strip editors of the Springfield News-Leader need to take better care in their reading to ensure the strips printed in their comics section do not offend."

In most areas of the country, this would be seen as a stupid letter. Bad part is this is the Ozarks. There will be about thirty letters that agree with this guy. The News Leader has published many letters from comic strip haters over the years. Dick Tracy and Spiderman were removed from the News Leader and Daily News in the late 70's because of complaints from tight-assed Ozarks parents. Throughout the 80's, the News Leader ran letters from people who hated Doonesbury and the Far Side. Also in the late 80s and 90s there was a crusade from a psycho-idiot (who claimed to live in a dumpster behind the Gene Taylor Main Post Office) to have the funnies removed from the News Leader because "life-is-too-depressing-to-be-enjoying-humor." Boo-hoo, cry me a river.

Reading this letter from Tad Pemberly reminded me the time Steve Allen read a Letter to the Editor of the New York Daily News criticizing artist Zach Mosley's Smiling Jack comic strip for "a lack of realism in dealing with aviation and sex." Allen would usually assign the name of a famous person to the letters he read to make a joke (similar to the e-mails on the Jim Rome Show). Allen said the letter was written by Milton Caniff, the artist behind the rival comic strip "Steve Canyon." Maybe Tad Pemberly is the guy who draws "Heathcliff."

I'm sure within a few days some idiot will write a letter to the editor entitled "Obama Brainwashed Garfield Into Say He Loves Tuna Instead of Lasagna." If I ran the News Leader I would run nationally syndicated liberal columnist instead of letters from crazy Ozarkers. Of course opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I HATE TROLLS!

I hate Internet trolls. Whether they are creeping around on message boards or posting comments on blogs, I don't like them! That is one reason I stopped allowing comments at all. They don't really contribute to the conversation.

There seems to be a glut of trolls in our area. There were some rather amusing ones who posted over on Busplunge's blog. Art Morris' Missouri Radio Message Board has been attacked by two creeps known as TommyT and AMMan. They may be either Mr. Mike, who was kicked off of the board last year, or the old Missouri Radio Message Board bully Talk Radio Guy. All I can say is both of these trolls butcher the English language as bad as the webmaster at the KSGF website. HHHMMMMM!

Worst post by a troll this week was on Ron Davis' Chatter, where a self-proclaimed conservative businessman said "Liberals should be aborted." Not a very classy person, if you asked me.

I'm also heard from several former and current News Leader employees, who are critical of the comments on the News Leader website. They point out the double-standard that the News Leader requires a name and a phone number for a letter to the editor, but people can hide behind fake names on the comments section. Also, remember all the editorials a few years back about anonymous blogging (I thought those were about me, but it was actually another blog - probably that Weenie-Blog run by a guy named Scooter).

Point is, I DON'T LIKE TROLLS AND I'M KEEPING THEM OFF MY BLOG!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

WHY IS HE ON THE COVER OF TIME? I'M COOLER!

Some idiot at Time magazine thought that putting scummy doofus Glen Beck on the cover was a great idea. WRONG!!!

I'd rather be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Fangoria.

STUPIDEST THING POSTED ON FACEBOOK

A well-meaning friend sent me an invitation to a cause on Facebook. Now I have no problem supporting causes that are non-partisan or dealing with public safety issues, but after reading the comments on this by supporters I decided not to join.

One comment struck me as one of the stupidest statements that a person could ever make. Some bonehead posted, "I don't remember where I was when I heard that Michael Jackson died, but I will always remember where I was on 9-11."

Well Dumb-bell, Michael Jackson died in June. I was at work producing a local sports call-in show. HOW COULD YOU NOT REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE THREE MONTHS AGO??? DO YOU HAVE ALZHEIMER'S OR ARE YOU A METH & MOONSHINE ADDICTED REDNECK WITH NO TASTE IN MUSIC???

I wish Facebook would remove both the Michael Jackson-haters and the President Obama-haters from Facebook. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

ED SULLIVAN OFFENDED OZARKERS IN 1960

My twin brother/roommate has been working on a novel for several years now. The novel takes place in a small southwest Missouri town in the 50's and early 60's. He spends his off hours at the Springfield Library Center looking at old Springfield Daily News and Springfield News Leader & Press from the 50's and early 60's. I sometimes go with him.

I had remarked that I had seen very few of the "typical" anti-media/entertainment letters that have become so prevalent in the News Leader over the years. Then we came across a several letters in the March 1960 Sunday News Leaders (they only ran letters on Sunday back then - Thank God) having to do with "vulgarity" on the February 21st Ed Sullivan program.

I should note that the first letter writer mentioned "not hearing" Jack Parr's "offensive" joke (That is because it was edited out before the broadcast, dummy), but was shocked by the "vulgarity" that was "set to music" on the Ed Sullivan Show. She felt the FCC should step in and the Ed Sullivan Show should be taken off the air. Follow up letter writers said they had not seen the act not the Ed Sullivan Show, but they felt that the FCC and the TV stations should take the Ed Sullivan Show off the air. DOESN'T THIS SOUND LIKE EVERY STUPID LETTER IN THE NEWS LEADER? Just substitute The Simpsons, Roseanne, Twin Peaks, Beavis & Butthead, Ellen, Friends, Seinfeld, David Letterman and MTV for The Ed Sullivan Show and you have about any letter that has ran in the News Leader in the past 20 years.

I found a website that list the guest for each Ed Sullivan Show. I guessing that the Ozarkers were offended by (Are you ready for this?) ballet dancing choreographed by Jerome Robbins. Maybe the tights were exposing too much or Ozarkers resented Sullivan for "puttin on them thar fancy toe daincers in thar underwar instayed of good daincin like dey have on the Ozark's Jubilee."

The people who wrote those letters probably were the parents of the people who wrote the anti-Simpson letters and anti-Normal Heart letters and they are the grandparents of people who complain about Family Guy, Sponge-Bob, Letterman's jokes about Sarah "Moosaloony" Palin and those Illusions Gentleman's Club ads on Jock 98.7.

Yes, Ozarkers have always been a bunch of crazy prudes.

CHEETOS USED IN FIGHT

Shelbyville Times-Gazette reports of a domestic assault in which Cheetos were thrown.

"Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."

The police said there was "evidence of assault," but "no physical marks."

What about orange powder marks?