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Friday, October 15, 2010


Did you ever stop liking something that you thought was "cool" when you were younger? Recently, I discovered that I no longer liked a song from my youth called "88 Lines About 44 Women." The song was by a group called the Nails. It kept coming up in my Ipod and Itunes. I had transferred it from a CD of 80's hits, so it wasn't like I had paid to download it.

You see when I was in junior high this song would occasionally be heard on the radio. If it was heard it was after 10 p.m at night. The reason was it had "dirty words" in it. I don't think I ever heard a "censored" version of this song. Somebody in Hammons Hall had it on a tape or record, because you could hear it playing down the hall. I didn't hear it again until I bought this 80's hits CD.

As it began playing on my Ipod and Itunes in shuffle mode, I noticed something. "88 Lines About 44 Women" is a really lame song. It is only about five minutes long, but it seems to go on for an eternity. The singer reads the lyrics like an NPR radio host, while the music sounds like it was played on a children's keyboard. The lyrics are simple yet so random. I could write new lyrics to this song and nobody would know the difference. All I need was to do would be come up with (1) two women's names - one exotic and one common, (2) an action that is very normal or sweet and tender (3) an action that is both disturbing and repulsive about either religion, drugs, sex or bodily functions and (4) throw in a four letter word. It would go something like this:

"Vanda was a fat girl, but she knew how to dance. Melinda was a sexy blond with a bad habit of $#!++ing her pants. Hhhuuummmm-hum-hum-hum-hum-HUM-hum-hum"

At the end of each verse, the lead vocalist/narrator would hum (Yes, I said hum) along with the music. To make things worse, there was another song about that time that sounded like it was being played on a child's keyboard that consisted mainly of the words "Da da da" repeated over and over.

If you MUST hear this song, you can find a homemade video of the song on You Tube. It probably isn't safe for work because it is not PC, not family friendly and down right annoying.

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