THE DEVIL MAKES OZARKERS BE CHEAP

I've talked to several restaurant servers and coffee braristas in Springfield, who are complaining about a self-righteous and mean spirited (no pun intended) trend. There are some Ozarkers are not leaving their servers a monetary tip. Instead they are leaving religious tracks.

A few years ago, there was a report that came out saying that Springfield, Missouri was in the Top Ten of the worst tipping cities. These people work hard for very little money. They depend on tips to get by.

Also, Jesus would not approve of your greed, you Pharisees. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

DID YOU SAY YOU ATE CAT STEW?

This comes to us courtesy of the Today show website and AP. An Italian TV cooking show host has been suspended for talking about eating cat stew "many times." Remember, if you eat pussy, don't brag about it on TV.

CHEETOS USED IN FIGHT

Shelbyville Times-Gazette reports of a domestic assault in which Cheetos were thrown.

"Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."

The police said there was "evidence of assault," but "no physical marks."

What about orange powder marks?

Ozarkers Believed That "Twinkie" Myth

I was glad to see Sean Penn win Best Actor for Milk (although I wanted Brad Pitt to win). I've liked Penn ever since Fast Times at Ridgemont High. I'm interested in seeing the film, although the Harvey Milk story had an ugly effect on my childhood. Nothing to do with the late Mr. Milk, but the guy who killed him, Dan White.

You see, as a child, I didn't eat much. When I entered the seventh grade I weight 95 pounds. I didn't like to eat the stuff my parents ate. I preferred the fun stuff: soda, hot dogs, candy bars, etc., what fascist adults called "junk food." I did finally start eating the "healthy" stuff. Ironically, you don't want to know what I weigh now.

I would get lectured about eating this stuff, especially at Mark Twain Elementary. Mark Twain Elementary was home to Principal Betty Moore and some of the crankiest teachers on the planet. I think they should make laws against public educators being that cranky and evil. One of the things I heard at school and from other evil adults (I don't call these people "well-meaning adults" because any adult against me doing what I wanted to do was, and still is, evil) was "There was a man in California that would only eat Twinkies and Coke. It caused him to go crazy and kill two men he worked with." That may have scared the other kids but it didn't work on Desdinova, because I was smarter than every adult I knew back then (I'm still smarter than most people older than me).

I was going when I set out to write this post I Googled Dan White and found this article from The San Fransisco Chronicle in November of 2003. It talks about how the Myth of the Twinkie Defense as it was called that supposedly got Dan White a reduced sentence. It got me into a trouble but then again that is what makes me SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHA!