Happy Holidays or Sit and Spin!

If you say "Happy Holidays" to someone and they give you some big lecture on the "culture war" or "war on Christmas," do what I plan to do.

GIVE THEM THE FINGER AND SAY "I WAS ONLY BEING NICE! I DON'T REALLY WANT YOU TO HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY! SIT AND SPIN!"

Quiet Riot, Eunice Moneymaker, the University and the Downfall of Good Radio

Earlier this week, the lead singer of the 80's heavy metal band Quiet Riot, Kevin DuBrow, died. It got me think about what made me become a SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS.

The picture above is of Eunice Moneymaker (not her real name, but my name isn't Desdinova either). I met her in seventh grade and she ruined my life. Let's just say that young Desdinova tried to do anything to make her fall in love with him. She was quite popular and often interviewed by the school newspaper. She mentioned that her favorite pasttime was "listening to the radio."

At that point, I decided "If I get into radio, she will fall in love with me." In these ponderous articles (yes, even junior high journalism can be ponderous) she would give the name of her favorite song. Once she said it was "Cum On Feel the Noize" by Quiet Riot. It just so happened that was my favorite song. I had something in common with Eunice. I soon found out Eunice was one of these people who only liked a new song for a few weeks and moved on to the next flavor of the month. Also Eunice had this horrible little friend named Lillith Vore. Lillith said that if you turned the song up to full blast DuBrow was singing something dirty. Of course, Lillith prefered Barry Manilow.

Also the station in our hometown, KLWT-FM 92, played the single version of the song which was shorter. The rest of the time they played Barry Manilow, Dan Foggleberg and Air Supply. UGH! I thought "When I program radio that stuff will be gone. It will be all Quiet Riot, Motley Crue, Ratt, Ozzy, BOC, Van Halen, Sex Pistols and Zappa. NOTHING WILL STOP ME! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I went off to Southwest Missouri State University and obtained a degree in electronic media. I was told by the instructors there that I had a great future in radio. Sadly, the radio industry began taking a turn for the worst.

The industry now believes that radio should not be programed for the listener, but for the advertiser. For some reason the "good" music (The lame stuff I hate) must be separated from the "Bad music advertisers don't like" (the stuff I love). Put the "bad music" on a weak signal so nobody can hear it and don't promote it.

There is WAY TOO MUCH country music and talk out there on the radio. Talk is the worst. Besides the fact that the majoroity of corporate radio companies seem uninterested in programing anything that would be of interest to anyone under 40, or at least a REAL person under 40 as opposed to a mythical version of what they THINK a person under 40 is like (there idea of a woman under 40 is something akin to June Cleaver than the women I know under 40).

Jones Media has now unleased the most misguided format idea yet and, unfortunatly, the company I work for picked up on it: Timeless love songs. Crappy, mushy, slow wimp music and announcers must read liners rather than be good ole fashioned on-air personalities.

I feel the reason younger listeners are going to Ipods and sateilite services is because not only are they not hearing the music they want, but they don't trust the industry. Everyone who reads this blog knows I HATE TALK RADIO with a passion.

The two talk bozos in town (KSGF's Vincent David John Jacob Jingle Himerschmit Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla (who found a kangaroo) Shimmy Shimmy Ko-ko Bop Ramma Lama Ding Dong Do Wah Diddy Diddy Da Do Ron Ron Ron Da Do Ron Ron Gidyup Ooomp Pompa Oooomp Pompa Mow Mow Hiyo Silver Away Banana Fanna Fo Fanna De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da (That's all I want to say to you)Gabba Gabba Hey Gabba Hey (Now you're one of us) two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion on a sesame seed bun, Itsy Bittsy Tiny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Joiner-Kersee Sammy Davis Junior Jericho and KWTO-AM's new boy, Chubby Buffoon) are showing just how much they HATE KIDS AND THEIR CULTURE.

Popcicle Boy has been ranting and raving how you shouldn't let you kids play the Warcraft or let your kids see the movies Golden Compass. Chubby Buffoon said that parents who allow their kids to listen to hip-hop are "garbage."

I believe any parent who doesn't allow their kids to play Warcraft, watch the Golden Compass or listen to hip-hop SHOULD BE TURNED INTO TO D.F.S AS ABUSIVE PARENTS. PARENTS LIKE THAT ARE NO BETTER THAN THE JERKS THAT KILLED ROWAN FORD!

Now some of you are saying, "Des, doesn't that Chubby guy work at the same station as you?" Unfortunatly yes. I can't believe he is allowed to come in a breath that same air and walk on the same floor as me, but some people like him better than me. These are middle-aged white sales guys who have no taste in music. They love guys like Chubby and Popcicle Boy (and Rush, Hannity and others talk radio scumbags).

Chubby has it in for the University that gave Desdinova TWO DEGREES. I snooped in his mailbox (I thought I would see a love letter from the middle-aged white sales guys) and saw an e-mail from a typical right-wing nutcase Ozarker saying that MSU "forced a girl to have lesbian sex in front of class as a punishment." First of all, the girl was accused of homophobia, so the punishment would fit the crime. Also, as a former student, a little lesbian action in front of class would be nice. I think that would be a good use of our taxpayer money.

I'm really thinking I may go back to MSU, it sounds more sane than radio. Eunice Moneymaker, this is all your fault!

My inspiration is a pirate

As some of you realize, I'm not one of those serious bloggers. I use an "alias" and claim to be a super villain. Some would ask what my inspiration was to start this blog. The Best Page In the Universe, which is ran by a pirate named Maddox. I don't agree with everything he has written, but, like my blog, it is probably not supposed to be taken seriously. This is my favorite post by Maddox.

Halloween Movies Suggetions - Five Directors Good and Bad

These are just five quick suggestions for movies you might want to watch tonight. I narrowed it down to five good and five "bad but fun" movies from famous directors. I wish I had more time to give you a list of great directors and films (It is hard to narrow it down to five). On the other hand the five "bad" directors had more than one "bad film that is fun to watch." Also these are my favorites not necessarily which one is best.

1. Alfred Hitchcock - Psycho
2. Tod Browning - Mark of the Vampire
3. Wes Craven - Scream
4. Ridley Scott - Alien
5. George Romero - Night of the Living Dead


1. Ed Wood - Plan 9 From Outer Space
2. Andy Milligan - Rats Are Coming, The Werewolves Are Here
3. Larry Buchanan - Zontar the Thing From Venus
4. William Beaudine - Bela Lugosi Meets the Brooklyn Gorilla
5. Al Adamson - Dracula Vs Frankenstein

Halloween Top 50 Songs

These songs are not in order:

Monster Mash – Bobby B. Pickett
Dinner With Drac – John Zacherle
Til The Following Night – Screaming Lord Sutch
Bark at the Moon – Ozzy Osbourne
Don’t Fear The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
Bela Lugosi’s Dead - Bauhaus
Children of the Grave – Black Sabbath
Creature with The Atom Brain – Roky Erikson
Season of the Witch – Donavon
Welcome to My Nightmare - Alice Cooper
Frankenstein – Edgar Winter Group
Black Magic Women – Santana
She’s Fallen In Love with a Monster Man – Screaming Lord Sutch
She’s My Witch – Kip Tyler
The Voodoo Walk - Sonny Richard’s Panics (with Cindy and Lindy)
Purple People Eater – Sheb Wooley
The Midnight Stroll – The Revells
Vampire Rock and Roll – Fabulous Poodles
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These) – Marilyn Manson
Spooky – Atlanta Rhythm Section
Thriller – Michael Jackson
Red Right Hand – Nick Cave
Witch Queen of New Orleans – Redbone
Batman, Wolfman, Frankenstein or Dracula – the Diamonds
Boris the Spider – The Who
Bloodletting - Concrete Blonde
Frankenstein - New York Dolls
Nightmare- Artie Shaw
In the Hall of the Mountain King - Sounds Incorporated
Casting My Spell - Johnny Otis Show
Night of Fear - The Move
You Must Be a Witch - Lollipop Shop
Charlotte’s Web - the Fuzztones
The Mummy - Bob Mc Fadden and Dor
The Blob - the Five Blobs
Ghost Riders in the Sky - The Ramrods
Hurry Sundown - The Outlaws
I Put a Spell on You - Screamin Jay Hawkins
Sympathy for the Devil - the Rolling Stones
Godzilla - Blue Oyster Cult
King Kong - The Kinks
Rockin in the Graveyard - Jackie Morningstar
Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon
The Witch - the Sonics
Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath
Black JuJu - Alice Cooper
I Walk on Gilded Splinters - Dr. John
Frankenstein’s Den - The Hollywood Flames
Screaming Ball at Dracula Hall - the Duponts
Grimly Fiendish - The Damned

Thinking About Saturday Morning Cartoons

When I was young, I loved to watch Saturday morning cartoons. Everyone my age did whether they would admit it or not. The three major networks caught flack from parents groups, educators and even some journalist about the cartoons. Eventually, the networks dropped cartoons and kids shows in favor of news programs for adults.

Many of the crank adults I was, unfortunately, around as a child didn't like the programs I watched on Saturday morning. These same adults are big fans of talk radio.

That gives me another radio to hope for a return of the Fairness Doctrine. You know what they say: PAYBACK IS A BITCH!

Why Does Radio Hate Halloween?

For some reason, you can not talk radio PD's into playing Halloween music on Halloween. You might hear "Monster Mash" played once on Halloween day. The announcer usually acts like he was just forced to were a clothespin on his penis. There was a lot of great fun music that can be played on Halloween, but radio stations refuse saying, "Our listeners wouldn't like that. They would be upset." SCREW YOUR MINI-VAN DRIVING UPPER-INCOME, WHITE REPUBLICAN LISTENERS AND HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIVES.

The same PD's who say that are the same ones who delight in bombarding us with every version of that depressing "I'll Be Home For Christmas" from Thanksgiving until New Years.

Another Christmas song I dislike is "No Place Like Home For The Holidays" in which a bunch of people tell the singer about their boring plans for the holiday. One stupid idiot says he is going out of state for a piece of pumpkin pie. Couldn't he find pumpkin pie at a local bakery? Maybe this pumpkin pie has got crack in it?

Now, radio stations have a new bad Christmas song to force on us. The horrible "Christmas Shoes." A child ask a stranger to buy a new pair of shoes for his dying mother. The kid says she needs new shoes because "she is meeting Jesus tonight." Like Jesus is going to say "Hey, Nice shoes!" If a kid gave me that cock-bull story I would say, "I'll buy you the shoes if a can see a death certificate and a corpse first." I have to have proof someone is dying before show sympathy.

Now, I DO love "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" because like Rudolph, I was mistreated and ostracized by other children when I was younger. I'll get my revenge though. Mwu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

It looks like someone would play "Dinner With Drac" by Zacherle, "Batman, Wolfman, Frankenstein and Dracula" by the Diamonds, "It's A Monster Holiday" by Buck Owens, "Bark At the Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Don't Fear the Reaper" by BOC (Although, I'm awfully partial to "Astronomy" too) or "Creature With an Atom Brain" by Roky Erikson.

Alas, the radio industry continues to make stupid decisions that only serve a handful of local advertisers (banks, mega-churches, insurance companies) serviced by un-hip, white guys over 50 rather than YOU THE LISTENER. Why play Halloween oriented music when we can have our morning show host cause trouble at a city council meeting?