MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE NEW ADVENTURES OF DESDINOVA!

The New Adventures of Desdinova the Super Villain of the Ozarks: MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE NEW ADVENTURES OF DESDINO...: That is me, Christmas 1978.

OUR GANG & SUPERMAN MOVIE STAR JACKIE COOPER DEAD AT 88

Jackie Cooper, a top child star of the 1930s, dies at 88 - KansasCity.com

Somewhere in the Great Beyond, Jackie, Farina and Chubby are forcing Miss Crabtree's brother to wear a dress.

DESDINOVA'S DEMENTED CHRISTMAS THEATER

Last Christmas, I was watching on a disc from one of those DVD box sets made by the Mill Creek Company. I found one called "Christmas Cartoons and Shorts." It had several Christmas cartoons from the 30s & 40s on it, but also several short subjects from Castle Films. Castle made films for home projectors and schools. Some of the Christmas short films had me saying "WTF?!?!?!?" Here are two of those.

SANTA CLAUS, PUNCH & JUDY: Santa indulges a group of little Baby Boomers with the puppet equivalent of extreme fighting. This may not be safe at work since one scene involves a puppet spanking his monkey (with a large stick).



SANTA IN ANIMAL LAND: This one would be best viewed aided by alcohol and drugs. It might make it more logical.



No animal puppets were harmed during the filming of this movie. However, watching it could lead to brain damage. This explains why many Baby Boomers tried drugs.

PARENTS IN THE OZARKS ARE ANAL FASCIST

I'm hearing commercials on local radio for a company called Federal Protection. They are a home security firm, which is okay. What I find ludicrous about their ads is the claims that they can text you when "the kids get home from school." They also will "notify you" if someone "opens your liquor cabinet." This is probably used by the same goofy Ozarks parents, who have Net Nanny on their computers and block MTV and the Cartoon Network on the television. Probably these people have the Ozarks spanking fetish.

Trust me on this folks, I could have used a good stiff drink when I got home from school.

Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

GILLIGAN'S RADIO STATION

No, this I'm not making fun of any local radio company (that might come later in the week).

I had always heard that actor Bob Denver, who appeared in many of the TV shows I grew up watching such as The Many Loves of Dobbie Gillis (Denver's character, Maynard G. Krebbs, is pictured on the right of the cartoon Gilligan), Dusty's Trail, Far Out Space Nuts and, of course, Gilligan's Island, owned a radio station in the Virginias.

The West Virginia Public Radio website has a nice article on Little Buddy Radio. The Skipper would approve.

VOID IN MISSOURI

The passing of Proposition C proves what I have thought ever since I was a small boy: Missouri is an awful place to live because it is filled with stupid people (pictured above).

Proposition C is just another chapter in the long and idiotic history of Missouri trying to keep any "evil" outside influence from crossing out state line.

I first became aware of this asinine practice of Missouri lawmakers when I was a child. You would see the words VOID IN MISSOURI in fine print. This meant that some stupid adult in Jefferson City was going to keep you from getting a neat prize or having any fun. You would see and ad in a comic book for a cool contest or offer for something you couldn't get at Wal-mart or Mattinglys 5 & 10, but at the bottom of the ad was the dreaded VOID IN MISSOURI.

"Win a Trip to Disney World" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win a Pool Party with Charlie's Angels" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win the Chance to Go On Tour with Kiss!" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win a Visit from Mork from Ork to Your School!" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win Every Marvel Comic Book Ever Published" VOID IN MISSOURI!

"Win Your Own Private McDonalds" VOID IN MISSOURI!

It wasn't only contest. There were even things for sale that were VOID IN MISSOURI! I remember having to give my sister's address in Oklahoma, just to order a Star Wars t-shirt. Apparently some nitwit in Jefferson City felt threatened by a skinny eight year old in Lebanon wearing a t-shirt with R2D2 and C3PO. A dollar to donuts says that the idiot that came up with the VOID IN MISSOURI law was elected by voters in Greene and Christian County (pictured above).

Much of this garbage comes from a group of privileged individuals who can control what rules are made from the State of Missouri down to the local school board. They make rules that punish people like me. Since they have the money and power, they want all the good stuff to be available to people with money and power. In Missouri, and the Ozarks especially, you only get to do something if your family is Republican or your family is Southern Baptist. They also like to require you to have good grades in elementary or high school (Good grades in college don't count - this called the Rush Limbaugh clause).

So now the idiotic voters in Missouri are going to keep the President's health care plan out of the hands of Missouri residents. It is like I'm eight years old all over again. Not only do I not have enough health insurance, but I also haven't met Mork, Kiss, Charlie's Angels nor do I own every Marvel comic book or a McDonalds. I hope all the stupid conservative hillbillies who voted "yes" on Proposition C get a major disease! (The people who voted "yes" on Proposition C are pictured above)

Of course, opinions, like these, are why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

FESS PARKER DIES AT 85

Actor Fess Parker died today at age 85. Here is the AP/Yahoo! story. Most stories are focusing on his role as Davy Crockett. I'm a Generation Xer, so my memory of Fess Parker was from the reruns of Daniel Boone that KOLR ran in the afternoon when I was very small. I remember getting a coonskin cap on vacation because Daniel Boone had one. By playing both Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, Parker caused the same sort of pop culture confusion that Buster Crabbe did when he played Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers.

There are ways to tell the characters apart (The above photo was labeled as "Davy Crockett" but it is a "Daniel Boone" photo).

Davy Crockett's coonskin had was all grey fur, while Daniel Boone's hat was a mix of colors and had an raccoon head still attached.

Davy Crockett wore all buck skin, while Daniel Boone wore a leather vest over a red shirt.

Davy Crockett sometimes had stubble, while Daniel Boone was clean-shaven.

Davy Crockett was a widower, while Daniel Boone had a wife Rebekah and two kids, Israel and Jamima.

Davy Crockett's sidekick was played by Buddy Ebsen, Daniel Boone's sidekicks were Ed Ames, Dallas McKennon, Rosey Greer, Jimmy Dean and Albert Salmi.

I hope this was some help.

THIS REMINDS ME OF MY SIXTH GRADE TEACHER

This story comes from WLOS ABC 13 - Top Stories in Asheville, North Carolina. A sixth grade girl's teacher has been writing "loser" on her papers. The sad thing is the other student's parents are condoning this.

This story bothers me because my sixth grade teacher treated me the same way. He ridiculed and made fun of me in front of the class. He also refused give me any kind of help with the math assignments (which were out of a HIGH SCHOOL MATH BOOK, not a sixth grade one). If I asked for help, he would reply, "Are you stupid? Maybe you shouldn't be in the sixth grade? Maybe you should be in the special ed class?"

Most teachers are not like this. The problem is there are people who condone this type of behavior from a teacher. Most of these people are over seventy years old. They feel teachers should be hard on kids, because their teachers treated them that way. They also are advocates of corporal punishment. These scumbags think that being mean to a child makes them a better person.

I hope Enka Middle School will terminate this Rex Roland for doing this to this poor little girl. The sad part of this is, he may be so popular in the community that he will get elected to city council and tell the GM of the local radio station to fire a former student that works at the radio station.

Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I STARTED BEING THIS WAY IN KINDERGARTEN

I wanted to mention the passing of a wonderful lady. Her name was Edythe Miller and she was my kindergarten in Lebanon, MO. She made going to school fun and comfortable for children entering the scary world of public education (and Mark Twain Elementary could be very scary at times). Mrs. Miller had a elaborate costume for every holiday or special event. She wore everything from a bunny outfit at Easter to a Betsy Ross outfit for the Bicentennial. At the end of every school day she kissed every child on their way out the door. It didn't matter if they were rich or poor, clean or dirty, sick or healthy, white or black. They got a goodbye kiss.

One of the things you have to learn in kindergarten is left and right. When it came time to be tested, I got the answers wrong and she calmly corrected me. In my typical style I announced to Mrs. Miller, "I have decided that from now on things shall be changed. The right is now the left and the left is right. We will all adhere to the change at once!"

Mrs. Miller handled this gracefully. She didn't smack me around or pummel me into the ground, as the other teachers at Mark Twain Elementary would have done. She just wrote a note to my parents on my report card "You son expresses strong opinions."

And it is those "strong opinions" that make me the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE OZARKS HAS A SPANKING FETISH

This post has been coming for a long time, but some things I noticed this week have brought this subject to my attention again. The Ozarks has a sick and twisted love of spanking.

Last summer, I was in a fast food place eating here in Springfield. At the table next to mine was about three couples, who were around my age. These were the people who were big into screaming "rules" at their kids like a Marine Corp D.I. "Don't run! Don't touch! Don't make noise! Don't breath!"

These people were talking rather loud, so everyone in the place could hear them, on how they "enjoyed" being spanked by their parents. These people were loudly letting the people in this fast food joint (and probably most of Springfield) that they against "time outs." This woman began breathing heavy while telling about how she enjoyed it. This one guy said "he liked the smell of his father's belt." He then became very giddy as he began telling about how many "lashes" he would get and his eyes began rolling back in his head. I left because I was afraid he was going to ejaculate on me and all the other people in the place.

• I'm seeing more and more of this kinky stupidity going on with in this community. Several people I know on Facebook joined a group called "My Parents Didn't Give Me Time Out."


• I stumbled upon a blog called "Chicks on the Right" by two women "who don't believe in time-outs." I think that is a veiled code for "we are professional dominatrixes."


• The MSU post-game show disintegrated into a Chuck Booms rant against parents that give their kid time outs. Chuck screamed into the microphone that he enjoyed being spanked. He thinks more parents need to spank their kids because he was spanked as a child. Why would anyone take parenting advice from this guy? He wears green shoelaces and talks about how much he likes Liza Minnelli.


• A few years ago, when Ron Davis was the host of Morning-line on KWTO was when the Domminc James death occured. Many of the idiots who called in to argue with Ron said the "gubermunt ain't got no rite to tayl me I kain't spank my kids." Ron didn't say that spanking should be banned. On the other hand, I DO THINK SPANKING YOUR KIDS SHOULD BE A CRIMINAL OFFENCE!

Let me explain why? My parents didn't spank me because a I was a pretty good kid. If my father or mother raised their voice at me, I broke down in tears. However, I went to a Republican/Sourthern Baptist run gulauge called Mark Twain Elementary in Lebanon, MO. The principal was Betty Chisim Moore, who walked the halls with an inch thick paddle. She also had an inch thick growth of hair on her legs. She looked like a refridgerator with legs and a face like those old women in the Far Side cartoons. The school had a lot of silly type rules like that could accidentally be broken by nice little kids like me. This was so she could have the pleasure of giving at least 50 spankings a day.

I'm sure though Betty Chisim Moore is in Hell giving topless lap dances to guys like Attila the Hun, Cauigula, Hitler and Richard Nixon. If you knew what Mrs. Moore looked like, this image would be enough to make you become a perfect Christian and avoid Hell at all cost.

This woman spanked me once. SHE WAS IN THE WRONG TO PUNISH DESDINOVA! I WAS SMARTER THAN HER AND ALL THE ADULTS IN LEBANON.

But I think this sick and twisted fetish these Ozarkers have with spanking needs to stop folks. Your kids will turn up warped like Chuck Booms instead of cool like me. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

GUMBY CREATOR ART CLOKEY DEAD AT 88

'Gumby' creator Art Clokey, dead at 88, had an especially animated life

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A QUICK THOUGHT ON THANKSGIVING

On this Thanksgiving Day, I want to get something off my chest. The one thing I never liked about Thanksgiving was the emphasis on the pilgrims. I didn't want to study about the pilgrims, because they were boring and dull. The pilgrims were always presented as so-hollier-than-thou people that we could never measure up to. However, in a college course I had to read pilgrim diaries. These were not only boring, but the pilgrims spent most of their time having sex. The pilgrims have to be the most overrated group in history, next to the dorky founding fathers. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

DISNEY & MARVEL BELONG TOGETHER

I'm a little late on the Disney buyout of Marvel. Here is the Washington Post story. I know this has upset some Marvel fans and would have upset me too when I was younger. However, below is proof it was meant to be.

MICKEY MOUSE CLUB



MIGHTY MARVEL MARCHING SOCIETY




Happy 65th Birthday, Smokey Bear!

Ad Age has the story. I found a great Smokey Bear PSA from the 70's on You Tube.



Even Desdinova listens to Smokey Bear!

HE SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR WRITING THAT SONG

There is one horrible plague that my generation had to deal with - a called "You Light Up My Life." The song came from a movie that nobody I know saw. The Debbie Boone version of the song (Oh yes, everyone tried to sing this one) was on the radio every hour of the day and on every radio station between 1977 - 78. She was on TV singing it. They forced us to sing it in elementary school. I once saw on the news where a school forced little deaf children to perform the song in sign language, as opposed to having them sign a good song from the era like "Calling Dr. Love" or "Do You Think I'm Sexy." Yes, while British kids were getting into the Sex Pistols, we were being tortured by Debbie Boone and "You Light Up My Life." This may have been the start of radio's problems.

Even into my high school days in the late 80's, someone would sing "You Light Up My Life" in an assembly or at a school event. So I am glad to report (with help from CNN) that the guy who wrote "You Light Up My Life" is going to be punished for sex charges. I WANT HIM PUNISHED FOR WRITING THAT SONG, BUT OPINIONS LIKE THIS IS WHY I AM THE SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

IF THIS IS "NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN," HOW COME I TURNED OUT NORMAL

I bought this DVD a few days ago. It is a box set that samples cartoons that ran on Saturday mornings in the 1970's. I watched all of these shows. I was looking the box and noticed a warning label: "THIS IS INTENDED FOR ADULT COLLECTORS. THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN."

They also have this same label on the Sesame Street Old School collection, which is the original shows from the 70's which I grew up on.

I feel insulted. I grew up watching this stuff. I'm not in prison. I turned out fairly normal. I don't see the harm in letting kids see this. If I had kids I'd let them watch it. I'd rather my kids watch this stuff than read that Bill O'Reilly book for kids, but that is what makes me Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I SURVIVED THE 1976 SWINE FLU OUTBREAK & THE SHOT

This talk about Swine Flu reminds me of my childhood. In the first grade, there was a case of Swine Flu. The government made everyone take Swine Flu shots. As you can read in this article by Paul Mickle, the shots may have done more harm than good. Several people died from taking the immunization, where as one person died of Swine Flu. It is believed the government may have overreacted. NPR reports that what happened in 1976 may be avoided because of better medicine and calmer nerves.

However, my mother to this day says the Swine Flu shot was the best thing for me. I had asthma and allergies. That year was my healthiest year. I was in the first grade at Mark Twain Elementary School in Lebanon, MO. My teacher was Miss Florence Keller, who told my mother that I was a borderline genius. After that year, everyone has insisted I'm an idiot. I'll get back at them when I RULE THE WORLD. Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Monte Hale Dies

All Access reports: "ALL ACCESS sends condolences to the family of singing cowboy MONTE HALE, who passed away SUNDAY (3/29) at his home in STUDIO CITY, CA. He was 89. HALE appeared on several television shows and films, including "Gunsmoke," "Giant," and "The Chase." One of his good friends was fellow singing cowboy GENE AUTRY. HALE and his wife, JOANNE, co-founded the GENE AUTRY WESTERN HERITAGE MUSEUM, later renamed the AUTRY MUSEUM OF WESTERN HERITAGE."

I See Nothing Wrong With Those Jeans

Before you read what I have to say, check out Busplunge's post about the Calvin Klein ads with Brooke Shields. Those ads are still sexy. So why are all the sleazy gossip websites ridiculing several female stars such as Jessica Simpson, Kelly Brooks and Kim Kardashian (all pictured above) for wearing jeans like that? It appears those jeans are coming back in style but the gossip sites are trying to fight their return by calling these "mom jeans." So help me if there is a picture of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton in a skintight pair of Dittos or Sasson with a caption "mom jeans" on one of those websites, I'll zap the nasty little person behind that gossip site with my death-ray and scatter their atoms to the fore winds. Did you know there is a gossip site called "Dirty Whores"? That is highly disrespectful to any woman famous or not!

While we are on the subject Ozarkers, could someone tell me the name of the Western wear store on the North Town Mall in Springfield that ran commercials in the early 80's with hot babes in tight jeans (like the ones above) shaking their booties to Joe Walsh's "All Night Long"? I loved that commercial when I was eleven/twelve.

Halloween Movie Ideas

Many people who are too old to trick or treat (or go on a pub crawl) like to rent or purchase horror movies to watch. Granted many popular websites and magazines have "Scariest of All-Time" list, but most of those are films made during the last four decades. Some lazy people give you films made only since 2000. I'm going to give you different choices.

Traditional: The Universal monsters are always good for Halloween. That includes these set featuring Frankenstein, Dracula and the Wolfman. Add to that the Hollywood's Legends of Horror Collection, which included Bela Lugosi and a proto-Goth Chick in Mark of the Vampire, Boris Karloff as politically incorrect villain Fu Manchu, the early color film Doctor X and it's boring sequel staring Humphrey Bogart, Mad Love with Peter Lorre as a Stewie Griffin prototype and Devil Doll with Lionel Barrymore as a Mrs. Doubtfire prototype. Also try out Frederic March's version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

A Ton of Fun for a Good Price: Check out Mill Creek's Horror Classics 50 Movie Pack. Some great stuff and a few clinkers, but for under $20 bucks in most stores.

For kids: Try to find Mad Monster Party featuring the voices of Boris Karloff, Phyllis Diller and Gale Garnett. There is also the 70's Saturday morning cartoon the Groovie Ghoulies.

Ultimate pick: It's a DVD (pic above) put out a few year ago by Something Weird called Monsters Crash the Pajama Party (Spook Show Spectacular). The title movie is a hokey beach party thing with guys in gorilla suits running around, however if you can maneuver the tricky menu on this you will find several things including Bert I. Gordon's Tormented (a psychological ghost thriller), an anti-cable TV ad using art work from Famous Monsters magazine, monsters movies made by kids from the 20's and 30's (seriously these are good), monstrous musical numbers from the Big Band era (one features a dancing skeleton puppet) and a goofy 50s educational film called Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (the sequel was called Don't Wet the Bed).

Bad Cinema at It's Finest: Andy Milligan's 1970 Vampire film the Body Beneath. Filmed in Highgate Cemetery (fooled some Brits who thought vampires were in Highgate) with red-headed-green vampire women in prom dresses, a hippie hunchback is set on fire and nailed to a church door, a maid has her eyes poked out with knitting needles and the fat ghost of Queen Victoria spouts anti-American sentiments. Here is the trailer to get you interested.

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HALLOWEEN!