LIKE MY T-SHIRT?

That is me in one of my Desdinova-Super Villain of the Ozarks t-shirts you can get from Zazzle. If you are wondering, I am trying desperately to lose weight.

THE DEVIL MAKES OZARKERS BE CHEAP

I've talked to several restaurant servers and coffee braristas in Springfield, who are complaining about a self-righteous and mean spirited (no pun intended) trend. There are some Ozarkers are not leaving their servers a monetary tip. Instead they are leaving religious tracks.

A few years ago, there was a report that came out saying that Springfield, Missouri was in the Top Ten of the worst tipping cities. These people work hard for very little money. They depend on tips to get by.

Also, Jesus would not approve of your greed, you Pharisees. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE YOUNGER GENERATION OF MEN WORRY ME

I never thought I would say this, I’m worried about our country’s future when I see some of the local young people.

I frequent a popular chain restaurant, which is a favorite of people in their late teens and early twenties. The young women don’t bother me very much. Matter of fact most of them seem like fun. It is the young men. They are goobers.

First off, why are they going out in Carhartt overalls? Those are what you wear when you are working, not when you are out cruising for babes. They also have beards like Mennonites or Amish men. What is up with that? They also all have John Deere caps. Do these people want to be farmers?

These guys don’t seem to be paying attention to the ladies around them. They are watching whatever Fox Sports or ESPN on the ten or so large screen TVs, or they playing Golden Tee. I’m afraid these guys are the same kind of idiots who would prefer Sarah Palin over Paris Hilton.

These boys have no taste in music. They seem to love to play a horrible song called “Chicken Fried” on the Touch Tones juke box. This has to be the worst song ever written. If they aren’t playing that song, it is Darrell Worrley, Toby Keith, Blake Shelton or Tim McGraw. I get so disgusted hearing this garbage, that I have to pump several dollars into the juke box so I can hear some music I like. Why can’t these guys like Van Halen, Sex Pistols, Nirvana and Ozzy like I did when I was their age?

These stupid young guys also are fans of talk radio. As you all know I hate talk radio with a passion. I even hate that more than country music. These guys are like most of the sleeze bag, talk radio host they label anything they don’t like as “socialism.” Everything from Obama’s health care reform and gun control to Espresso and Twilight gets called “socialism” by these intellectually challenged doofuses.

I'm not sure what caused these kids to be this way. The only thing I can think of is the crazy parents who home schooled their kids in the 90's. I'm sure some Ozarkers want young people to be this way. I DON'T! I WANT THEM TO BE LIKE ME! All I know is I fear these guys will be running things in a few years. Hopefully, I can take over the world before then. Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

FESS PARKER DIES AT 85

Actor Fess Parker died today at age 85. Here is the AP/Yahoo! story. Most stories are focusing on his role as Davy Crockett. I'm a Generation Xer, so my memory of Fess Parker was from the reruns of Daniel Boone that KOLR ran in the afternoon when I was very small. I remember getting a coonskin cap on vacation because Daniel Boone had one. By playing both Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, Parker caused the same sort of pop culture confusion that Buster Crabbe did when he played Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers.

There are ways to tell the characters apart (The above photo was labeled as "Davy Crockett" but it is a "Daniel Boone" photo).

Davy Crockett's coonskin had was all grey fur, while Daniel Boone's hat was a mix of colors and had an raccoon head still attached.

Davy Crockett wore all buck skin, while Daniel Boone wore a leather vest over a red shirt.

Davy Crockett sometimes had stubble, while Daniel Boone was clean-shaven.

Davy Crockett was a widower, while Daniel Boone had a wife Rebekah and two kids, Israel and Jamima.

Davy Crockett's sidekick was played by Buddy Ebsen, Daniel Boone's sidekicks were Ed Ames, Dallas McKennon, Rosey Greer, Jimmy Dean and Albert Salmi.

I hope this was some help.

THIS REMINDS ME OF MY SIXTH GRADE TEACHER

This story comes from WLOS ABC 13 - Top Stories in Asheville, North Carolina. A sixth grade girl's teacher has been writing "loser" on her papers. The sad thing is the other student's parents are condoning this.

This story bothers me because my sixth grade teacher treated me the same way. He ridiculed and made fun of me in front of the class. He also refused give me any kind of help with the math assignments (which were out of a HIGH SCHOOL MATH BOOK, not a sixth grade one). If I asked for help, he would reply, "Are you stupid? Maybe you shouldn't be in the sixth grade? Maybe you should be in the special ed class?"

Most teachers are not like this. The problem is there are people who condone this type of behavior from a teacher. Most of these people are over seventy years old. They feel teachers should be hard on kids, because their teachers treated them that way. They also are advocates of corporal punishment. These scumbags think that being mean to a child makes them a better person.

I hope Enka Middle School will terminate this Rex Roland for doing this to this poor little girl. The sad part of this is, he may be so popular in the community that he will get elected to city council and tell the GM of the local radio station to fire a former student that works at the radio station.

Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I THOUGHT THAT SONG WAS ABOUT ME

One of the great mysteries of rock and roll lyrics may be solved. Carly Simon is hinting that a guy named David was the inspiration for "You're So Vain." The Toronto Star has the story.

Rumor has it that it is record mogul David Geffen. I thought it was David Coulier of Full House. Maybe I'm thinking of another song.

I always thought "You're So Vain" was about me. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

WHY DO LOCAL BROADCASTERS HATE BOSS RADIO?

The death of Gene Chenault brings to close the story of "Boss Radio," the dynamic sound that revitalized Top 40 radio in the 60's. The radio stations in the Drake-Chenault chain had a style that was imitated in many parts of the country except the Ozarks. When you bring up the "Boss Radio" to many people in the radio industry in southwest Missouri, you get an attitude of disdain. Many complain that Boss Radio was too "West Coast" or "big city."

I recently out lined how I would create a Top 40 station over on the Missouri Radio Message Board. I mentioned early on in my post that I was taking cues from the "Bill Drake playbook."

Here is my outline:

"Music: T-40 (Not a restricted CHR) with a good dose of Alternative and Hip Hop/R&B. Also I throw in a select group of oldies/classic rock. This last group would be rotated quite a bit. I would use an automation system, but the DJs would be live. I would also demand that music logs were checked so that the same song doesn't play at the same time, day after day, week after week. Most of all I want to keep the music upbeat and diverse. THAT MEANS DON'T JUST PLAY WHITE ARTIST.

DJ should be up beat, exciting and fun. They should also be profesional radio talent. No real estate guys, plumbers or auctioneers. I was also require them to be on MORE than three breaks an hour. The DJs must give the name of the song and artist along with time and temperature. Also the DJs will give any pertinent info they might want about what is going on in the community. Listen to the KHJ and CKLW aircheck here and here and here.

I will find a morning guy who is equivalent David Letterman or Conan O'Brien and let them have fun. Then find them a good sidekick, male or female. I have them make fun of local talk radio host. My morning show host will put a "kick me sign" on any talk host "standing up for what's right."

Imaging: At no point will you hear a liner or ID that sounds like static or the station has went off the air. There will be jingle like the ones heard here on You Tube.

News & Weather: I would have a two minute newscast at the quarters (15 after and 15 til) and weather four times an hour. The news department would be separate. The DJs would not be forced to do the news. Also none that "we don't do cover that." If it is news we would cover it. I don't believe in "pick & choose" news. Of the Drake stations, CKLW had the biggest news department under Byron McGregor (although the style at times boardered on being in poor taste). NO WALL TO WALL COVERAGE UNLESS IT IS A TORNADO. Even then the DJS can give warnings and info with out turning into "War of the Worlds." I also believe that during an ice storm people would appreciate some music as apposed to phone calls from idiots complaining about the electricity being out.

Sports: DJs can give scores and there my be an update once an hour on Saturdays. No play by play, but the station would have a "tailgate party" at every game with free food and maybe free swag. Have someone there to call in a score update to the Djs.

Public service: I believe that public service is the key name branding and public trust. I'm against this "If they charge to get in, we are not giving them free airtime." Try to be involved in every charity event you can.

Commercials: I would put a limit on commercials per hour and spread them out through out the hour. No more "30 minutes of non stop music" followed by 8 minutes of commercials. Once the slots were filled on the prime time, have the sales people tell advertisers they can be on a waiting list or sell them ROS. If there are barter/makegoods, put them in the overnight or light hours. The local advertisers or national ad buys are more important than that idiot that says "Is yor kid abnaxshush?" or "Men, Do you have trouble urinating?" spots. Most of all I would keep the sales people on a short leash. There job is sales - THAT IS IT. Make sure they find advertisers that will be right for the format. The T-40 audience goes to bars, restaurants, stores, banks, hair salons etc. They don't buy drywall drills or backhoe equipment.

Promotions: There will be surveys like the ones found on this KHJ site. Billboards with the DJs picture on it. T-shirts with the station on it. Window stickers with the calls. The station would do a promotion where a person wearing the station Ts or has window sticker in their car gets a prize."

Sounds like a good idea doesn't it? They didn't thinks so. I only received one positive comment about it. I was chided for trying to program for kids and that it wouldn't make money. Many area broadcasters are infatuated with the work of Missouri's Jerald Shepherd because he "made lots of money." His was bare bones and bland with an over abundance of bland, dry-read ads. No jingles or commercials with background music or humor. Of course, all that is important to the Ozarkers and the talk radio freaks is money. No fun or joy allowed in the Ozarks. It will upset those listeners over 70.

That is why the radio industry is doomed in this part of the country. Soon the only people listening will be country music loving rednecks and the money-grubbing, hate-driven talk radio freaks.

Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!