PARENTS IN THE OZARKS ARE ANAL FASCIST

I'm hearing commercials on local radio for a company called Federal Protection. They are a home security firm, which is okay. What I find ludicrous about their ads is the claims that they can text you when "the kids get home from school." They also will "notify you" if someone "opens your liquor cabinet." This is probably used by the same goofy Ozarks parents, who have Net Nanny on their computers and block MTV and the Cartoon Network on the television. Probably these people have the Ozarks spanking fetish.

Trust me on this folks, I could have used a good stiff drink when I got home from school.

Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

KATY PERRY GET REVENGE ON GUY WHO IGNORED HER IS SCHOOL

This is one of those stories I love. Yahoo Music reports that super hot babe and pop music star Katy Perry was performing a concert at the high school she attended. She saw a jock boy, who wouldn't give her the time of day in high school, in the audience. She pointed him out in front of everyone at the concert and let the jerk have it.

Pointing out into the audience, she identified one specific member of the crowd and asked, "Is that Shane Lopes? You were the most popular kid in my class, but you never wanted to date me, it was always Amanda Wayne." As the crowd laughed and cheered, she adopted a bit of swagger and added, "Oh yeah, you really chose right, honey. What's up now, playa?" Becoming an international, Grammy-nominated pop star evidently does wonderful things for your self-confidence.

TAKE THAT, JOCK BOY!!!

Apparently, this story upset some other little jock boy-douche bags. If you look at the comments, you will see some ugly hatred toward the incredible looking Miss Perry.

Among them is a comment from a brain damaged idiot calling himself "independent." Besides being too stupid to capitalize his name, he shows how un-hip and stupid he is by saying, "What a piece of garbage. still stuck in high school? Tells a lot about her just from this story. She must not be that great since I have never even heard of her until now." Excuse me, "independent," if you would stop listening to crap like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, you would know who Katy Perry is. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE, YOU TALK-RADIO LISTENING SCUMBAG!!!

And then there is a scumbag called "See See," who says: "What a child... Move on... It does not prove anything, only that you are still bitter."

I should have known "See See" would have something hateful, negative and malicious to say, because they used this "weird baby" avatar. Anytime you see that, the post is usually by a person who is hateful, racist, right-wing, douche bag, asshole. I really wish the government would do something about these people, like have them arrested and tortured to death.

Loyal readers know that I frequently like to embarrass Eunice Moneymaker of Lebanon, MO for not going out with me in junior high and high school. Contrary to what a bunch of nitwits posting on Yahoo would say, I have every right to make fun of her now. Like Katy Perry, I'm famous.

OLD PEOPLE ENJOY NEGATIVE STORIES ABOUT YOUNG PEOPLE

I had a news director at one local radio station that ordered me to write traffic accident reports so that it sounded as if the younger person caused the accident. Even if the Missouri State Highway Patrol said in their report that the older driver was at fault, the younger driver was to be fingered as the cause of the accident because, "Older listeners and the advertisers like it that way. That way if an advertiser caused the accident, they won't be upset with us." That news director also wrote several negative stories about youth because "the older listeners like to hear bad things about teenagers."

Reuters/MSNBC had a story to about research conducted in German on this subject. Yes, old people do like negative stories about young people. I believe that many news organizations in the Ozarks (News Leader???) feel as my former news director did and these German researchers have shown. However, THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE NEGATIVE YOUTH STORIES NEED TO TAKE PRECEDENT OVER POSITIVE STORIES ABOUT YOUNG PEOPLE!!!

After all, you are reporting the news, not writing for 21 Jump Street.

Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE MOD SQUAD WAS COOLER THAN 21 JUMP STREET (Sorry Johnny Depp)

I realize many people of my generation will hate this post. There will even be some Baby Boomers that will hate this post.

In TV history, there were two cops shows that featured young people going undercover to investigate crimes involving other youth. These shows were the Mod Squad, which ran from 1968 to 1973. The other was 21 Jump Street, which ran from 1987 to 1991.

I remember watching an episode of 21 Jump Street when it first air on the then-new Fox Network and thinking, "This show sucks. I hope they come up with a better show than this or this network with go the way of Dumont and Overmyer Networks." The show not only ran longer than I expected, but Fox has survived, thanks to several great shows like the Simpsons, Family Guy and In Living Color.

It was about this time that a purchased a book called The Best of Crime and Detective TV: The Critics Choice by John Javna and Max Allan Collins. In this book, they list the TV show, Mod Squad, as one of the worst cop shows ever. They practically trash the show (They also slam Charlie's Angels, which makes me wonder about these guys).

I had only seen the Mod Squad reunion movie from the late 70's, but I still thought it probably had to be better than 21 Jump Street for the simple reason it was made in the late 60s/early 70s. As many of you readers know I have always had a special place for the psychedelic era.

I bought a VHS tape a few years ago that featured two episodes of the Mod Squad. I liked it quite a bit and wanted to buy another, but they were taken off the market for some reason. A year ago, I bought a DVD of the first season of the Mod Squad. It featured a longer version of the pilot episode which was on the VHS tape I had earlier. I have enjoyed it very much and plan to buy another DVD set of the show.

A few nights ago, I found the entire first season of 21 Jump Street on DVD at Wal-Mart for $5. I wondered if my opinion of 21 Jump Street would have changed after seeing more than one episode of the Mod Squad. Maybe I would be blown away by the show which gave us Johnny Depp. It turns out, I was right the first time I saw the show. It still sucks.

While people often malign the Mod Squad for being dated, 21 Jump Street is a product of it's time too. It comes with the things of the 80s that I hated. Bad part is some of those attitudes are still with us, thanks to the Fox News Network. As a matter of fact, I suspect that Bill O'Reilly wrote a few of these scripts under an alias. I bet Sarah Palin was a Jump Street fan.

The Mod Squad was from the age of peace, love and "Do Your Own Thing," while 21 Jump Street was from the age of "Just Say No," "Positive Peer Pressure," "overachieving" and "Vigilante Justice." Also, the characters on 21 Jump Street wear the clothes of that era that my mom forced me to wear. When I moved out and went to SMSU, I started dressing more like the Mod Squad.

First off, let's discuss the theme song and opening credits. The theme song of the Mod Squad was composed by Earl Hagen. Hagen created a tough and fast pasted cops show theme, augmented by a psychedelic/garage band organ. The visual was the main characters running through a dark warehouse.

The 21 Jump Street open featured a theme song sung by the cast that sounded like a bad Debbie Gibson song ("You're gonna learn something when we meet you after school" GAG!). The visuals were goofy clips of the cast from episodes. This gives you the impression you are watching a bad sitcom.

The overall plot of the shows are different in that Peter, Linc and Julie ("One White, One Black and One Blonde") were juvenile delinquents paying their debt to society by becoming undercover detectives. They did carry guns or badges. They often questioned the ethics of what they were doing. Yes, they do use quite a bit of the slang of that era. Pete seems to use the word "heavy" a lot, Julie says "groovy" quite a bit and Linc made the phrase, "Solid, Brother" a part of TV history.

On 21 Jump Street, Hanson, Penhall, Hoffs and Loki are cops who look young enough to infiltrate high schools. They carry guns and badges. When the Jump Street cops aren't whining about lawyers and judges "letting off" the people they bust, they insult each other.

The villains on Mod Squad are never the kids, but old, white guys trying to make a money by selling drugs or killing young people. One villain, played by Dabney Colman (Who else?) tells his sister, "Your hippie friends are driving down the value of my real estate." One villain is a Bill O'Reilly-ish talk show who tries to rape Julie. Yes, the message of the Mod Squad could be "No such thing as a bad kid" and "Don't trust anyone over 30."

On the other hand, 21 Jump Street embedded with the 80's idea of "young-people-are-evil." The criminal is always young. Everything from gun toting gang members taking a school hostage to a group of cocaine pushing, preppy-boys who gang-rape/murder a girl to sexually-repressed, pyromaniac Catholic school girls (No, I didn't make this last one up).

Jump Street episodes usually end with a PSA/lecture from the cast about under-age drinking, drug abuse or abstenence. Mod Squad ended with a crane shot of the characters and somber jazz music as the characters contemplate what just happened. Truth is the Mod Squad has a more expensive look to it than Jump Street.

Yes, this has probably been a useless rant, but I had to get this out of my system. I'm sorry Johnny Depp couldn't have been like Clint Eastwood, John Travolta or Bruce Lee and gotten his start on a good show. As a matter of fact, he has said he hated the show.

Just remember, the Maharishi says never drink campaign from a paper cup. Solid, Brother!

DESDINOVA PRESENTS 50's TEENAGE REBEL THEATER

Since Ozarkers always wish the country could be like it was back in the 50's, I decided to give them a good dose of 50's nostalgia (My way, of course) featuring the thing that horrifies Ozarkers the most - teen age rebellion. ENJOY!

THE WILD ONE
REBEL WITHOUT CAUSE
BLACKBOARD JUNGLE
HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL
JAILHOUSE ROCK
I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF
WILD RIDE
CRY BABY KILLER
BEAT GIRL (WILD FOR KICKS)
DRAGSTRIP RIOT
THE VIOLENT YEARS
HOT ROD GIRL
TEENAGE CAVEMAN
SERIOUS CHARGE

Look at all the kids that are rebeling in the 50s! BRANDO! JAMES DEAN! JACK NICHOLSON! SIDNEY POITIER! OLIVER REED! JERRY LEE LEWIS! ELVIS! CLIFF RICHARD! THAT GUY FROM "LAREDO"! THE RIDDLER from BATMAN! THE MAN from U.N.C.L.E IS A CAVEMAN! PA INGLES IS A WEREWOLF! EVEN WINSTON CHURCHILL'S DAUGHTER IS MIXED UP IT THIS!

THE YOUNGER GENERATION OF MEN WORRY ME

I never thought I would say this, I’m worried about our country’s future when I see some of the local young people.

I frequent a popular chain restaurant, which is a favorite of people in their late teens and early twenties. The young women don’t bother me very much. Matter of fact most of them seem like fun. It is the young men. They are goobers.

First off, why are they going out in Carhartt overalls? Those are what you wear when you are working, not when you are out cruising for babes. They also have beards like Mennonites or Amish men. What is up with that? They also all have John Deere caps. Do these people want to be farmers?

These guys don’t seem to be paying attention to the ladies around them. They are watching whatever Fox Sports or ESPN on the ten or so large screen TVs, or they playing Golden Tee. I’m afraid these guys are the same kind of idiots who would prefer Sarah Palin over Paris Hilton.

These boys have no taste in music. They seem to love to play a horrible song called “Chicken Fried” on the Touch Tones juke box. This has to be the worst song ever written. If they aren’t playing that song, it is Darrell Worrley, Toby Keith, Blake Shelton or Tim McGraw. I get so disgusted hearing this garbage, that I have to pump several dollars into the juke box so I can hear some music I like. Why can’t these guys like Van Halen, Sex Pistols, Nirvana and Ozzy like I did when I was their age?

These stupid young guys also are fans of talk radio. As you all know I hate talk radio with a passion. I even hate that more than country music. These guys are like most of the sleeze bag, talk radio host they label anything they don’t like as “socialism.” Everything from Obama’s health care reform and gun control to Espresso and Twilight gets called “socialism” by these intellectually challenged doofuses.

I'm not sure what caused these kids to be this way. The only thing I can think of is the crazy parents who home schooled their kids in the 90's. I'm sure some Ozarkers want young people to be this way. I DON'T! I WANT THEM TO BE LIKE ME! All I know is I fear these guys will be running things in a few years. Hopefully, I can take over the world before then. Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

J.D. SALINGER DIES AT 91

J.D. Salinger - latimes.com

Above is the link to an article on the late, great J. D. Salinger - David Copperfield crap and all. Also check out this educational website about Salinger's greatest work, The Catcher In the Rye.

Excuse me, I have to go catch some little kids before they go over the edge of that cliff.

THE SONG "SOCIETY'S CHILD" ISN'T ABOUT ME

I first heard the song "Society's Child" by Janis Ian when I was in junior high in Lebanon, MO. It was on an Kansas AM oldies station late one night (this was in the early 80's).

At the time I was infatuated with Eunice Moneymaker (pictured above) and several other of her cheerleader friends. Everyone from the redneck rubes in class to teachers and other adults told me I couldn't go steady with a cheerleader since I wasn't a jock. They would get very angry at me when I said it shouldn't matter that I wasn't a jock and should be allowed to have a cheerleader as a girlfriend. Apparently this is some big important law on the books in either the city of Lebanon and Laclede County as much hatred as was directed at me for wanting to break the "cheerleaders-only-go-with-jocks-law." If this is a law I'm going to ask both Lebanon Mayor C.P. Craig and President Obama to create a law to force cheerleaders to date at least one nerd a month.

I heard this song and thought this was about how Eunice wasn't (and the other cheerleaders) allowed to go steady with me because I wasn't a jock.

I've since found out I was wrong about the song. It is about a white girl not being allowed to date a black boy.

However, I'm pretty certain that the songs "Seven Year Ache" by Roseanne Cash and "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon are about me.

I should say that Eunice's mother, Kay, is a very nice lady and had no problems with me being in love with her daughter. It was Eunice had a problem with me being in love with her. If you see Kay, tell her Sherman Muckenfuss says hello (Yes, my real name is Sheman Muckenfuss - At least it ain't Shottenkirk).
Here is Janis Ian singing that song on the Smothers Brother Comedy Hour in 1967.

I'M A VILLAIN BUT SHE IS A HERO???

There was an incredibly stupid letter in the Springfield News Leader a few days ago by a woman who bragged about deleting her kids MySpace and Facebook accounts. There were people in the comments section saying "Good for you," "Way to go," and "I applaud you stance."

This is what is wrong with Springfield and the Ozarks. A woman who deletes her kids MySpace and Facebook friends is considered a hero, but anonymous blogger who pokes fun at talk radio scumbags, weenie-bloggers, tea-baggers, right-wingers and cranky adults is considered "a bad guy." This is another example of what I call Ozarks Correctness.

Personally, I think what this woman did is CHILD ABUSE, just like not allowing you kids to watch cartoons or listen to rock music. They should put people like this in prison. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

ANOTHER THING WRONG WITH RADIO

When I decided to get into radio in the mid-80's, there was a radio show that fired my need to program one of the local radio stations MY WAY. That show was the Dr. Demento Show. I had to listen to it over faint signals from Rolla, St. Louis and Kansas City. There was not an affiliate in the Springfield area.

I colleague of mine was wondering if the Dr. Demento show still aired anywhere in the country. I found both the Dr. Demento page and a Wikpedia page with the sad story. Only seven radio stations carry Dr. Demento's show. Compare that to the numbers of affiliates of right-wing talk radio low-life host like like Glen Beck, Sean Hannity, Mike Savage, Bill Cuningham and Rush "the Overpaid Scumbag" Limbaugh.

I feel the government needs to step in and force stations in every city to drop the talk low-life shows and carry Dr. Demento. Of course, opinions like this are why I'm considered the SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

YOU'RE A GENIUS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE A LAMP: JOHN HUGHES DIES

If you grew up in the 80's, the films of John Hughes were required watching. The writer, producer and director with a flair for capturing teen-age life, was an important influence on our young lives, much like the late great Michael Jackson. Hughes died Thursday at age 59. Here is CNN's obit.

Hughes addressed many problems that young people face. In the Breakfast Club, it was how adults view young people and how it influences young people to view each other. Hughes ending sums up theme.

"Saturday, March 24,1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed."

My favorite John Hughes film is Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I identify with the character of Ferris Bueller because, like me, he is smarter than the adults around him. He also had the same philosphy I have, "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

I See Nothing Wrong With Those Jeans

Before you read what I have to say, check out Busplunge's post about the Calvin Klein ads with Brooke Shields. Those ads are still sexy. So why are all the sleazy gossip websites ridiculing several female stars such as Jessica Simpson, Kelly Brooks and Kim Kardashian (all pictured above) for wearing jeans like that? It appears those jeans are coming back in style but the gossip sites are trying to fight their return by calling these "mom jeans." So help me if there is a picture of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton in a skintight pair of Dittos or Sasson with a caption "mom jeans" on one of those websites, I'll zap the nasty little person behind that gossip site with my death-ray and scatter their atoms to the fore winds. Did you know there is a gossip site called "Dirty Whores"? That is highly disrespectful to any woman famous or not!

While we are on the subject Ozarkers, could someone tell me the name of the Western wear store on the North Town Mall in Springfield that ran commercials in the early 80's with hot babes in tight jeans (like the ones above) shaking their booties to Joe Walsh's "All Night Long"? I loved that commercial when I was eleven/twelve.

I Always Knew Coaches Were Jerks

I never did like P.E. My allergy and asthma doctor demanded that I not take P.E, but for some crazy reason the Lebanon R-3 school system says P.E is mandatory to graduate. English ain't (just a joke).

I always thought some of my P.E teachers/coaches were jerks. Here are examples of two jerks who coach. CNN has the story of a high school coach on trial for the death of a football player.

CBS News has this story of a Christian academy who humiliated a private school for special needs kids in an 100-0 basketball game. The not-so-Christian team had the 100.

R.I.P MTV's TRL

One of my goals when a entered MSU (then SMSU) as an electronic media and broadcasting major was to host a teen music TV show like Dick Clark. I wanted to be that friendly adult the teenagers could trust to introduce them to the cool new music. Sadly, that dream becoming reality is disappearing very quickly.

On Sunday, MTV's TRL will go the way of American Bandstand, the Midnight Special, Solid Gold, Shindig, Hullabaloo, Where the Action Is and others teen music shows. The New York Daily News reports that original host Carson Daly returns for the two hour final show. This also is the end of MTV as a music video outlet, instead turning, like other networks, to cheaply made reality shows. Daly says he hopes it returns soon. Maybe it will or will it be like two of the above mentioned shows and be come a set of DVDs sold on late night TV through Guthie-Renker.

My fear is MTV is may turn from the young pop music fans who made them great and start catering to paranoid, cranky old white men like AM radio did (see story above).

I Didn't Like The Dark Knight (but it didn't suck as bad as I thought it would)

In March, I predicted the Dark Knight would suck. This was based on the publicity photos I was seeing of Heath Ledger playing the Joker. I had a feeling this was going to be like that Hallie Berry/Catwoman movie a few years back. I took some flack about it from some fanboy. Last week, I decided since this has been a very popular (or unpopular) post, I would do the honorable thing and see The Dark Knight.

THE DARK KNIGHT DOES NOT SUCK - BUT I STILL DIDN'T LIKE IT. It was a very good, well-crafted, scripted and shot film. The cinematography is well worth the ticket. Heath Ledger's Joker is creepy and, at times, funny.

It still isn't the Batman I grew up with. Most of the The Dark Knight script was influenced by comics made after 1986. The exception was a story I remember reading when I was ten years old in a Batman digest. The story was from 1973 an entitled "The Joker's Five Way Revenge."

Even that story didn't have the body count of this film (However, there have always been rumors about the Joker in this story, which may have explained the Joker/Ledger quoting the line from Brokeback Mountain and his "nurse" disguise).

One thing missing that the previous film and TV versions, (Okay, I've still not seen Batman Begins) except for the movie serials, had that was a trademark of the comic books for many years - giant, working models of everyday items. I would have loved for Ledger to have killed several innocent bystanders with a sign in the shape of a giant ear of corn. He would have then said to Christian Bale, "I know. My humor is corny."

See I grew up preferring the stories of the 40's - 70's. The artwork by Dick Sprang (see above) and Carmine Infantino (SP) coupled with what one DC writer referred to as "the Chamber of Commerce Batman." It was this Batman that was on the TV show in the sixties and Saturday morning cartoons of the seventies. The Batman of my childhood doesn't sound like he gargles Draino. Actually he sounds like the mayor on Family Guy.

Also, once more (some one posted a comment that agreed with me on this) I ask "Why did the Joker look like he put his make-up on in the back seat of a school bus on a bumpy road?" I prefer the dyed skin concept from the comics.

However, I like the idea of a villain centered movie. How about DESDINOVA THE SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS movie?

I'm Going Door To Door Trying Find Friendly People To Talk To

A few weeks ago, a young guy came to the door. He was covered with tattoos and not exactly clean. He claimed to be a college student majoring in communication and was "required to go door to door, trying to find 1000 friendly people to talk to." He told me he wanted to go into radio. I was ready to explain to him that he should really concentrate on a career in television or cable technology, when his story became more outrageous. He told me that it was a "law" that he would have to have a two year internship at a radio station or he could (Are you ready for this?) sell magazine subscriptions. Why this doofus picked selling magazines is beyond me? Then, the story got goofy.

The money he earned would pay for his participation in a "special student project." He and other students from other American colleges were going to the BBC to film a remake of the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail "in memory of the original film's star John Gleezz, who died last year." You probably are ahead of me, but the chaps name is John Cleese and he is still living ("I'm not dead yet!"). Also. if the BBC wanted to pay homage to a legendary comedian, why would they have a bunch of American kids do it as a reward for selling magazine subscriptions?

I tried to get rid of the kid by telling him that I worked in radio, thinking he would see his story was not washing with me (Of course, washing was a foreign concept to this guy). Instead he tried to talk shop using strange terms for audio technology that he was making up as he went. I know this because the terms changed from "digital ominogragh" to "digital opthometer." I told him that must be "something new" and this bonehead said, "It was invented by the rapper P. Daddy." I assume that P. Daddy is really P. Diddy or Sean "Puffy" Combs or the late Bo Diddley (I wonder if they knew the late John Gleezz).

I didn't buy any magazines from this idiot nor did I buy any from the frightened and fidgety girl who came to the door the next week. While, I'm laughing at this, the sad reality is these kids are involved in something very ugly. Here is an article from the Houston Press about door-to-door magazine sales. From this article, I realize the guy was using something called a "dirty canvas," which sounds correct seeing he was dirty himself. Basically, it is a false story (I don't know if mangled names of celebrities are part of this or not). Also threats are part of the life of these poor kids. Thinking back on the girl's mannerisms, I would say her bosses told her that she had to sell some magazine subscriptions before she could have a bathroom break (that was kind of how she acted).

This is a scary read folks, but I thought I should bring it to your attention. I've also been wanting to tell about that goofy guy for weeks.

Maybe Nobody Was Pregnant To Begin With

My previous post was about the so-called pregnancy pact in Gloucester, Massachusetts. Now CNN is reporting that the Mayor of the town is questioning the validity of the whole thing. Mayor Carolyn Kirk says she will meet school, health and other officials to get figure out if the pregnancy pact was a hoax. The story came to light after the high school principal, Joseph Sullivan, told a Time magazine reporter about it.

"The high school principal is the one who initially said it, and no one else has said it," Kirk said. "None of the counselors at the school, none of the teachers who know these children and none of the families have spoken about it."

There is a difference between expecting and exposed.

Hey, Let's Get Pregnant!

I really thought we were past this kind of stupidity, however adults never seem to understand teenagers. Officials in Gloucester, Massachusetts, say that a group of teenage girls made a pact to get pregnant. The mayor, an anti-teen sex activist and a certain local talk radio show host (who came from Canada) is blaming Hollywood. Here is the AP story from Yahoo. First, Britney Spear’s little sister got pregnant, then there is that movie Juno (Right here I want to mention that I am madly in love with Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody, who is on the cover of this month’s Writer’s Digest) about a pregnant teenager. IT IS ALL PART OF A PLOT!

Let me tell you what I know from my thirty-some years on this planet. Gloucester is a small town. This happens in small towns every year. It happened my senior year at Lebanon High School and about ten year ago People magazine had a cover story about a small town in Texas where about half the girls in school were pregnant. It happens all the time. Someone claims the girls were "giving Hi-Fives." I went to school in a small town and you always hear an eyewitness account from "Some kid." They are always unreliable.

Second, doesn’t the mayor have better things to do than worry about who is pregnant. That must really be a SMALL AND BORING TOWN. As for the activist mentioned at the end of the AP story, I want to ask one of these abstinence activist why they all look like the snooty girls in high school who only dated the jocks. It is like they say, "I’m not going to sleep with you and I’m going to make the other girls sign a pledge not to sleep with you. Naner, naner, nya nya!"

Kids, take some advice from Uncle Desdinova. If this is what you girls want to for fun, well then knock yourselves out up.

Crazy Jane and her Toothless Anti-Bullying Law

We have mentioned State Rep. Jane Cunningham in the past and her lip service to anti-bullying legislation. Recently, Rep. Cunningham received an endorsement from former Governor/Attorney General John Ashcroft. Monday she was on the KSGF morning show bragging about her so-called anti-bullying legislation. Vincent David John Jacob Jingle Himerschmit Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla (who found a kangaroo) Shimmy Shimmy Ko-ko Bop Ramma Lama Ding Dong Do Wah Diddy Diddy Da Do Ron Ron Ron Da Do Ron Ron Gidyup Ooomp Pompa Oooomp Pompa Mow Mow Hiyo Silver Away Banana Fanna Fo Fanna De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da (That's all I want to say to you) Gabba Gabba Hey Gabba Hey (Now you're one of us) two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion on a sesame seed bun, Itsy Bittsy Tiny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Joiner-Kersee Sammy Davis Junior Jericho kissed every inch of her butt while trashing local State Rep. Sara Lampe’s work on the bill.
Cunningham basically that she doesn’t want sexual orientation on the bullying legislation because it would give special treatment to "certain groups." She claimed that Rep. Lampe’s version of the bill would "punish" a person for telling another student (her words) "I don’t like your lifestyle." CUNNINGHAM WANTS TO PROTECT THE BULLIES FROM PUNISHMENT.
Cunningham was probably never bullied in school like I was, so she probably doesn’t know what goes on. I will allow her that. Bullies will use any excuse to get out of trouble. The favorite lie a bully tells is "I was only joking" or "We are just having fun." I’m sure some bully will probably use "I criticizing their lifestyle." I’m not gay and I wasn’t gay in school, however, I was bullied over my clothes, my choice of music and my choice of girls to be interested in (Rod Hance proved, my choice of women STILL upsets some people in Lebanon).
Cunningham is trying to make this a toothless, ineffective law where nobody would be punished. The way Cunningham wants it, the bully can turn tables on the victim. It will be the same thing that we have seen from the right-wing talk show host for the past few year, "You can’t condemn me for hating (insert a minority group here), because you hate me because I’m conservative." The argument about who is bullying who will go back and forth and the school won’t know who to punish. Cunningham’s anti-bullying law will allow the bullies to get off scot-free and be back in class causing trouble.
The basic point made over and over in the interview was "sexual orientation" should not be in mentioned in the anti-bullying law. I SAY IT SHOULD FOR THIS REASON: ALL BULLYING IN JUNIOR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL IS BASED ON DISCRIMINATION AGAINST GAYS EVEN IF THE VICTIM IS HETEROSEXUAL. Junior high and high school bullies get a kick out of calling their victims names like "fag," "queer," or "homo." If sexual orientation is mentioned, then these bullies can be punished. Cunningham would allow them to explain their actions as "a religious intervention."
Here is something that I feel both Lampe and Cunningham should put into an anti-bulling law: if a student has more than three bullying complaints against them, the parents have to be punished too. I’ve learned that bullies learn there hatred for others at home. Any bullying law needs to punish the parents as well as the kid.
From the tone of her discussion on KSGF, Cunningham is not sincere about stopping bullying. Usually it is old white guys who cloud the issue on bullying because, they were bullies themselves in their school days. My theory is Rep. Cunningham was the girl who was sweet on the bully boys.

Day of Silence: Remembering the Cute Teacher and the Crazy Preacher at LHS in the 80s

The Lebanon Daily Record forums have been abuzz with talk about the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network Day of Silence being observed at Lebanon High School. It is a volunteer observation. Students are not forced into observing (personally I thing they should be or face expulsion - but that is me).

The fuss over this reminded me of what happened at LHS in 1986 (maybe 1985).

It involved the young lady pictured above. I won't give her name. It isn't important to the story. She was a teacher. I never had her for class. Too bad, she was HOT! I wish I could have been one of those kids who had sex with a teacher. I'd pick her.

The country was talking about A.I.D.S. Homophobia was rampant among teenage boys. It gave them a certain amount of masculine reinforcement. LHS had (probably still does) quite a few rednecks and jocks. They liked to call those they didn't like "faggot" or "queer."

This young teacher got tired of the some of the guys calling other students these derogatory terms for gay people. She had enough of this and told them her brother was gay. She said she would bring him in an introduce him to show that he was a "real human being."

She took this to the principal, who told her no because he was afraid of possible violence toward her and he brother. That should have been the end of it.

Not long after, a local preacher, who was a known trouble maker, shows up asking why the school was going to allow gay men to "make love in front of the students." Some way this had become a crazy rumor spread around the school. I might add the preacher had NO children in the school and was known to cause trouble with the school over silly rumors. He claimed once that there was an arcade in Lebanon where teenagers were dancing naked and drinking. Needless to say it closed soon after. Worst of all, this preacher had a radio show on KLWT every morning. He bashed everyone from Ozzy Osbourne to Jane Fonda, who he called a "harlot." If I had been running KLWT, I WOULD HAVE TAKEN HIM OFF THE AIR. Unfortunately, I was a junior in high school at the time (Sadly, I have a degree in media from MSU and I'm still not allowed to make programming decisions in radio).

The teacher left Lebanon after just one year, but the preacher had to leave town too. He was caught having an affair with another woman. He now lives in Springfield. He writes bad Letters to the Editor in the News Leader and has been heard on one of the local talk radio shows (Guess who?). He is also involved with local politics (Republican, of course).

Just a little story I thought I'd share.