THE REASON A NATIONAL ANTI-BULLYING LAW NEEDS REPARATIONS FOR VICTIMS

As you know from reading this blog, I believe we need a national law to deal with the bullying problem. In November, I wrote a post about how I feel that there needs to be a strict federal anti-bullying law. This law should also require the bully and his/her family to pay reparations to the victim.

Some people would say, "Desdinova, why would you believe such a thing is necessary?" My reason has a name: Donny Dickweed (pictured above).

Donny was both a jock and a preppy. His grandfather was the president of the local bank and his family owned a company that made recliners and mattresses. Donny picked on both me and my "good twin brother." As a matter of fact, Donny Dickweed is one of the models for the bad guy, Johnny Waldorf, in my "good twin brother's" novel, Real George.

What is Donny Dickweed doing today? I saw his profile on Facebook and he lives in a large beach house in Florida with a hot wife. He is in real estate and is (of course) a Republican. Meanwhile, I live in a small apartment and make minimum wage, even though I have two college degrees and work in the mass media.

I feel every time somebody buys a recline or mattress, I and my "good twin brother" should get at least 75-percent of the profit to make up for all the "heart-checks," "pink bellies" and "Does-this-hurt?" sessions we were forced to endure from this guy. I also want to note that he didn't just pick on me and my "good twin brother" but other students both male and female. I once saw him choke a female student until she nearly passed out. He also called Eunice Moneymaker "zit face" until she cried.

There were very few teachers and administrators who would stand up to this jerk, because his family were very prominant in the community. His grandfather has a monument to dedicated to him or something like that. Donny was allowed to get away with this sort of behavior because of his family's money and power.

If you are wondering, neither I nor my "good twin brother" are friends with Donny Dickweed on Facebook. Eunice Moneymaker is but, as I have pointed out before, Eunice didn't have good taste in men or she would have went steady with me.

The fact is one never forgets the scars left by a bully, however if the bully and his family had to pony up some dough to the victim (75 percent of every recliner and mattress sold), the pain might hurt less.

I STARTED BEING THIS WAY IN KINDERGARTEN

I wanted to mention the passing of a wonderful lady. Her name was Edythe Miller and she was my kindergarten in Lebanon, MO. She made going to school fun and comfortable for children entering the scary world of public education (and Mark Twain Elementary could be very scary at times). Mrs. Miller had a elaborate costume for every holiday or special event. She wore everything from a bunny outfit at Easter to a Betsy Ross outfit for the Bicentennial. At the end of every school day she kissed every child on their way out the door. It didn't matter if they were rich or poor, clean or dirty, sick or healthy, white or black. They got a goodbye kiss.

One of the things you have to learn in kindergarten is left and right. When it came time to be tested, I got the answers wrong and she calmly corrected me. In my typical style I announced to Mrs. Miller, "I have decided that from now on things shall be changed. The right is now the left and the left is right. We will all adhere to the change at once!"

Mrs. Miller handled this gracefully. She didn't smack me around or pummel me into the ground, as the other teachers at Mark Twain Elementary would have done. She just wrote a note to my parents on my report card "You son expresses strong opinions."

And it is those "strong opinions" that make me the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE SONG "SOCIETY'S CHILD" ISN'T ABOUT ME

I first heard the song "Society's Child" by Janis Ian when I was in junior high in Lebanon, MO. It was on an Kansas AM oldies station late one night (this was in the early 80's).

At the time I was infatuated with Eunice Moneymaker (pictured above) and several other of her cheerleader friends. Everyone from the redneck rubes in class to teachers and other adults told me I couldn't go steady with a cheerleader since I wasn't a jock. They would get very angry at me when I said it shouldn't matter that I wasn't a jock and should be allowed to have a cheerleader as a girlfriend. Apparently this is some big important law on the books in either the city of Lebanon and Laclede County as much hatred as was directed at me for wanting to break the "cheerleaders-only-go-with-jocks-law." If this is a law I'm going to ask both Lebanon Mayor C.P. Craig and President Obama to create a law to force cheerleaders to date at least one nerd a month.

I heard this song and thought this was about how Eunice wasn't (and the other cheerleaders) allowed to go steady with me because I wasn't a jock.

I've since found out I was wrong about the song. It is about a white girl not being allowed to date a black boy.

However, I'm pretty certain that the songs "Seven Year Ache" by Roseanne Cash and "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon are about me.

I should say that Eunice's mother, Kay, is a very nice lady and had no problems with me being in love with her daughter. It was Eunice had a problem with me being in love with her. If you see Kay, tell her Sherman Muckenfuss says hello (Yes, my real name is Sheman Muckenfuss - At least it ain't Shottenkirk).
Here is Janis Ian singing that song on the Smothers Brother Comedy Hour in 1967.