I WANT TO HOLD A "HEY LIGHTEN UP AMERICA" RALLY IN BRANSON

I WANT TO RESTORE HUMOR AND FUN IN AMERICA! THAT IS MY GOAL!

I would like to hold a "HEY LIGHTEN UP AMERICA" rally, because for the past nine years there has been under siege by a mentality that we have to take everything serious, live in fear and suspicion of others and hate anything fun and entertaining. I blame this on the talk radio crowd and Faux News. We need to restore a sense of fun and humor badly. When people get up and arms on You Tube over that old Peter Pan Peanut Butter commercial with Laugh-In's Alan Sues in it, you know that this country has a bad crisis in the humor and fun department.

I would be the host and MC of the event. For a co-host, I need a wild, hot babe like Paris Hilton, Katy Perry, Britney Spears, Milly Cyrus or Lindsay Lohan. A special guest will be Steven "Hit the Slide and Ride" Slater. The perfect location for this would be Branson, MO on 76 Country Boulevard. We also need a cross section of music both alternative and hip hop. NO COUNTRY MUSIC WILL BE ALLOWED. BOOZE AND OTHER SUBSTANCES WILL BE PROVIDED. CLOTHING WILL BE OPTIONAL.

Security will be provided by the "New" Black Panthers.

Everyone will receive a free pink toothbrush to ward off evil spirits (and out of work Canadian talk radio show host).

I'm sure this will draw ten times the crowd that Glenn Beck's stupid rally did. And when I he sees I drew a bigger crowd than him and Silly Sarah of Moosealoony, they will both cry "Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo."

Of course, an opinion, like this one, is what makes me the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

I HATE THAT "CHICKEN FRIED" SONG

This is something I have to say, because it is a major problem in the Springfield community that must be addressed. This should be off concern to many patrons of local restaurants with juke boxes. It is people who insist on playing that stupid "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band. This has to be ONE OF THE WORST SONGS EVER RECORDED, yet there is a group of people in this town that insist on playing this song on the juke box the minute they walk in an establishment. It seems to be the same people every time. They are either a gang of rednecks (no surprise), a group of plus-sized women in their twenties and, the most shocking of all, medical workers (or their folks who like to wear scrubs).

See when I go out to enjoy myself. I may be selfish but I like to hear music that makes me feel good. Some headbanging songs like "Action" by the Sweet, "Living After Midnight" by Judas Priest, "Anarchy for the U.K." the Sex Pistols, "Bark at the Moon" by Ozzy Osbourne or "The Boys Are Back In Town" by Thin Lizzy are great when you are knocking back a few cold beverages. I also will accept "I Kissed a Girl" or "If You Seek Amy," but NOT "THE CHICKEN FRIED" SONG! Let me also say I don't like to hear any "Cracklin Rosie" by Neil Diamond.

I don't understand the words to this song, but then again, I never understood the point of the lyrics of very many country songs when I was a dee-jay at a country station in Lebanon. Most of them are stupid. About the only songs I liked when I was at that country station was "Friends In Low Places," "Seminole Wind" and "Goodbye Earl." We didn't play any of these because the president of one of the local banks didn't like them. Since he was an advertiser we had to play what he wanted (Bankers make the worst advertisers because they try to boss the radio stations around - I hope President Obama does something to punish these capitalist goons).

I feel this "Chicken Fried" song needs to be banned from all juke boxes in Springfield. I'm calling on Mayor Jim O'Neal and city council to get behind this. I also feel that this should be addressed by the Highway Patrol because I CONSIDER ANYONE WHO PLAYS THAT "CHICKEN FRIED" SONG ON A JUKE BOX A DOMESTIC TERRORIST!

I realize will not be a popular opinion to hold, but that is what makes me SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I See Nothing Wrong With Those Jeans

Before you read what I have to say, check out Busplunge's post about the Calvin Klein ads with Brooke Shields. Those ads are still sexy. So why are all the sleazy gossip websites ridiculing several female stars such as Jessica Simpson, Kelly Brooks and Kim Kardashian (all pictured above) for wearing jeans like that? It appears those jeans are coming back in style but the gossip sites are trying to fight their return by calling these "mom jeans." So help me if there is a picture of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton in a skintight pair of Dittos or Sasson with a caption "mom jeans" on one of those websites, I'll zap the nasty little person behind that gossip site with my death-ray and scatter their atoms to the fore winds. Did you know there is a gossip site called "Dirty Whores"? That is highly disrespectful to any woman famous or not!

While we are on the subject Ozarkers, could someone tell me the name of the Western wear store on the North Town Mall in Springfield that ran commercials in the early 80's with hot babes in tight jeans (like the ones above) shaking their booties to Joe Walsh's "All Night Long"? I loved that commercial when I was eleven/twelve.

PARENTS TELEVISION COUNCIL CAN "IF YOU SEEK AMY" THEMSELVES

I knew this would happen. I told you that some radio folks were already worried about the new Britney Spears song "If You Seek Amy." I said that radio stations needed to add the song to their playlist to celebrate the end of Bush-era FCC President (and Parents Television Council lapdog) Kevin Martin's term.

Billboard is reporting that the Parents Television Council, a group of right-wing activist led by Brent Bozell who urge people to send spam through their website to the FCC, is urging radio stations not play the song. I believe a wise man once said it best, "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" HOW DARE THEY DISRESPECT BRITNEY SPEARS? HOW DARE THEY GO AGAINST THE WISHES OF DESDINOVA - THE SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS?

I'm begging radio station to add this song to their playlist. Even if you are not CHR or Hot AC, I feel this is something that Alternative, Classic Rock and even some country stations could get behind. Also, if you are a follower of mine and work at a talk station YOU CAN PARTICIPATE. The psycho freaks who listen to talk radio get all bent out of shape when the automation plays a commercial during Rush Limbaugh or one of the other talk radio atrocities, so I propose finding a way to play "If You Seek Amy" over Rush, Savage, Boortz, Dr. Laura so their little fans can't hear what garbage they are spewing out.

This would also be good if you are one of the people Clear Channel "let go," but for some reason you are still in the building. Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fellow radio folk, what I'm telling you is important. We need to start a revolution and now is the perfect time. We need to break from the mistakes of the fast eight year that plunged radio into this mess. I want you to play Britney's "If You Seek Amy" so we can show the PTC (BTW-Why are they causing trouble for radio when they are called the Parents Television Council?) that we have had enough of their stupidity. Do it for me, Jefferson Airplane and the Beatles.

This post will not make me popular, but it is post like this that make me the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHA!